Runner's High

I think it's time for a running update...Well, already in the month that I've been training I've had my fair share of ups and downs. I've had runs that felt like a chore and ones where I felt like I had super human strength. So, last week I was looking at the schedule and saw that on the 15th I was supposed to run 8km, that didn't seem bad, but then I looked at the following Saturday....15km! Now, Ben and I are taking a trip to Banff next weekend and I knew that I didn't want to take 1.5 hours out of our trip to go on a run and Ben would be able to join me if it was just 8km so I decided to switch the two runs.

All weekend I dreaded that run. Saturday came and went and I never went.... Sunday morning I knew I had to get my butt in gear and just DO IT but I still managed to drag my heals and didn't make it out the door until 4:00PM. The funny thing was that once I was actually moving I felt GREAT! The first km I went at a really relaxed pace and as the run progressed I felt more and more energy building instead of the draining feeling I was anticipating. By 8km I was feeling better than at the beginning and that's when I looked up and my dad was running towards me! He had called Ben to see if he could come with me on my run and when Ben told him I had already left he decided to try to find me.

The last 6km were HARD! My dad kept the pace just slightly faster than I was going on my own and even that slight increase had me huffing and puffing. It also didn't help that while I was breathing heavily he looked like he was gently galloping along without a care in the world, all that being said I'm glad I had him, I don't think I would have pushed myself that little bit extra had I been on my own. We sprinted the last block and that is the most amazing feeling in the entire world if you ask me.

I love pushing my body, I love feeling myself getting stronger, I think I'm hooked....

What is health?

This question has been whirling through my brain at breakneck speed. What does it mean to be healthy? What are the steps one should take in attaining health? What are the reliable voices to be listened to within the field?
I have gotten pretty used to not trusting the most widely accepted approach in life. Becoming pregnant and then having to make pregnancy, birthing and now parenting decisions I realize that upon researching I typically go against the grain. I see that this trend seems to be spilling over into how I view my health as well. Before getting pregnant I was diagnosed with a condition that although it seems harmless at my age will most likely leave me with some pretty ugly chronic illnesses down the road. Modern medicine would advise that I go on the birth control pill to mask the symptoms and then when I develop diabetes and heart disease in however many years I will be treated for those symptoms when we reach that point. Well, I'm not happy with that scenario. I would much rather take control of my health at this point and hopefully avoid those icky chronic conditions all together!

Here are some ways in which I plan to take control of my health:

• Get into a regular exercise routine, that includes cardio as well as weight training.
• Buy more locally grown produce.
• Buy exclusively organic produce or at the very least the ones that are known to be the worst ex. strawberries, spinach etc.
• Buy only produce that is currently in season.
• Stay 100% clear of anything genetically modified....VERY difficult.
• Avoid processed foods. 
• Cut out dairy, besides kefir and organic yogurt.
• Stop eating red meat. (Not excited about this one.)
• Only eat whole grains and preferably cut out wheat all together.
• Increase our fresh lake fish consumption. 
• Only buy chicken and turkey that is free range and fed properly.
• Drink 3 litres of water a day minimum, and stay away from tap water as much as possible.
• Include the top ten superfoods into my regular diet.
• Make sure at least 70% of each meal is raw.

Looking back at my list I can see that it looks very ambitious and I'm sure many people would look at this and think that many of my points are unnecessary. I look at it this way, our bodies are temples, we are commanded time and time again in the Bible to honour God with our bodies. I believe that to do this we really need to start taking how we treat our bodies more seriously. I know it may cost more money, taste a little less flavourful, and be more difficult but isn't God's temple worth that!? We have a responsibility to Him to guard these temporary dwelling places that we've been given. 

I know I won't be making all of the changes at once. It's a process, one which I have only just begun, it's slow but it's coming along. I would like to see where I am in a year from now. I would like to say that I will be doing all of these points full heartedly. We'll see....

7 Weeks

Boy am I glad to leave the last week behind. If Ellie wasn't eating, she was crying, luckily this phase only lasted 48 hours. In retrospect I think it's pretty obvious that is was a growth spurt, but boy was that a long 2 days. I now have a lot of sympathy for parents who deal with colicky babies. 

I feel as if we are sliding into a bit of a routine now, although it's definitely not one that I would have designed had I been in charge. Elliotte for the last 4 days has been very alert and awake from about 5:30PM to 1:00AM only sleeping for about 15 minute intervals every 3 hours or so. During this time she likes to eat every 1/2 hour. From 1:00AM to 6:30AM she sleeps like a baby (woohoo!). From 6:30AM to 5:30PM she follows the pattern of eating, then is awake and playful for maybe 1/2 hour then back to sleeps for 3 hours then repeat. This seems to be pretty consistent and to be honest I don't hate it. This pattern allows me to get a lot done during the day and I'm sort of getting used to staying awake till 1:00AM. I'd say the only downside is that when Ben get's home we don't get much time to relax together since this is the time when Ellie is the highest maintenance. Ideally I'd like it if she went down for the night at 8:00ish and then I would just get up and feed her a couple times during the night, but at this stage she calls the shots.

Update Time:

Elliotte's Size:

I feel sort of lost since little E didn't have an appointment this week. I know she's growing though because she is now fitting a few of her 0-3 month onesies and even a couple of the 3 month sleepers. She isn't really filling any of her clothes out widthwise but lengthwise she sure is. I'm excited to see her weight and length in a couple weeks when she'll be 2 months old. 

Post-Pregnancy Me:

Well I'm ashamed to say that I didn't make it to the gym at all this week. My excuse every day was the same, I didn't have any milk pumped and I wouldn't leave her with my mom without an emergency bottle. So, Monday morning first thing I did was pump a bottle, so now I have no excuse and yet I haven't made it....curious. We have gone every day for at least an hour long walk with Ellie in her sling which has been awesome. I especially like going for walks now because of the beautiful fall weather. Next week I'm definitely getting my membership though! 

Life Happenings:

Our evenings have been pretty laid back due to the fact that Elliotte is essentially attached to my body but we have managed to get out a bit. I pumped a bottle for her on her 6 week birthday so Ben and I managed to go on our first date sans baby. The date only lasted about 1 1/2 hours because she drank her bottle and was immediately hungry again, but it was just good to leave her and know that she was safe. I was surprised how safe I felt leaving her with my parents. I was also shocked at how much I missed the little one after only about an hour.

 In the evenings we like to go for walks, mostly because being in the Maya wrap is basically the only way that Ellie will sleep. I have loved having my Maya wrap, I'm not a big fan of strollers, I hate the idea of her being strapped down for so much time, and I love having her so close to my body when she's in the wrap, i can even nurse her while she's in there! I love looking down at her beautiful face and lightly patting her little bum as she gently sways back and forth along with my steps.

Ellie and I have continued to frequent the breastfeeding cafe here in the city and it's something that I look forward to each week. This week we talked about parenting, in specific, things that our parents did that we do and do not appreciate. It was good to actually think about things that that we would like to take from our parents parenting styles and things that we can learn from and do differently.

Weekly Highlight:
Honestly my highlight was probably waking up Saturday morning to a baby who was NOT crying and who appeared to have snapped out of her consistent crying. I was SOO worried that she had developed colic and to see that pass in only a couple days was such a relief. Getting my little girl to smile is probably my daily highlight. It's neat how the little things give me so much joy these days.

She melts my heart...

Little girl, big bed.

6 Weeks.

6 weeks is a bit of a milestone. I can't believe my little moose is 6 weeks old today! We had our FINAL midwife appointment today and I was kind of sad to say goodbye. Now it's back to our regular doctor of whom I have nothing positive to say what-so-ever....hmm maybe it's time to find a new doctor...suggestions?

Last night Elliotte slept from 11PM-5:30AM! Our night was completely glorious! She also slept in her bassinet for most of that time, and believe me that is amazing! I think the key to our success was that when I woke up at 12:30 I fed her while she slept. It was amazing, she actually managed to eat in her sleep! I've read a little bit about 'dream feeding' and since I was awake and she (amazingly) wasn't, I thought it was worth a try. Anyways, the only hitch was that once she woke up at 5:30 she wanted to be up for the day. It took me a good 2 hours of playing and interacting with her before she would go back to sleep. Sometimes I feel a bit like a parental failure since we aren't into a routine yet at 6 weeks, but I'm hoping this is the start of something good. 

Elliotte's Size:

At Ellie's appointment today she weighed 9 pounds 10 ounces. She gained 4.5 ounces this week which is on the low end of normal. She is now measuring 22 3/4in long, and her head circumference is 37cm. As far as percentile's go she is in the 90th for length and the 25th for weight. She is one long skinny girl! Ben and I both have tall and skinny people in our families, so maybe Ellie will take after her aunt or great-grandpa instead of her short parents. 

Post-Pregnancy Me:

Well, today is the day. I'm planning on heading out to the gym later on tonight or possibly tomorrow morning depending on the extent of my laziness. I am SOOO ready to get in shape and I'm ready to start eating healthy. I've been having some pretty major dental issues in the last few months so eating has been next to impossible. I basically eat soft carbs when I do manage to eat and it has been seriously difficult. Hopefully this is all about to change as I've made an appointment for October 1st with my Uncle. I cannot wait to have these dental problems behind me, trust me having two teeth that CONSTANTLY cause pain is not fun. I've even given in on the odd occasion and taken a tylenol which is NOT something that I like to do. 

Life Happenings:

Life is great! Now that Elliotte seems to be sleeping better I feel like a new person. We have been trying to get out lots. We went to a group that meets here in Saskatoon called 'the breastfeeding cafe', the name is misleading seeing as we don't actually just sit around talking about breastfeeding. It's a nifty idea, every week there is a different topic and an expert on that topic comes in to present. It's a great place to discuss your questions and concerns, there are women of all different opinions and stances and it has really helped me in my quest for the type of mother I want to be. 

The past few weeks I've done quite a bit of research into attachment parenting and all that goes along with it. This is a type of parenting that has really appealed to me since it seems to focus so much on the bond between mother and baby. On the other hand I felt kind of like it would be impossible for me to live up to the standards that are set by this model of parenting, i.e. never putting your child down, co-sleeping, exclusively breastfeeding etc, etc, etc.... I want the option of putting Ellie down so that I can shower, I love sleeping with my baby but honestly I'm terrified of smushing her in my sleep, I want to be able to go on a date with Ben, which would require pumping etc, etc, etc... Anyways, as all of this was causing me to stress out I realized something. I don't HAVE to adhere to every 'rule' of attachment parenting to be a good parent who is attached to her child. I can pump a bottle for my baby, leave her with my parents for two hours and STILL be a good parent (actually this might actually help me be a BETTER parent). Realizing that there is no hard-set rules to parenting has really helped me relax.

  Ok, end rant.

Ellie is still quite the fuss-pott in the evenings which makes group gatherings kind of tricky. I'm hoping as the weeks progress she'll settle down a little as well as us becoming more in tune to what's bothering her. Usually it's just hunger and I'm assuming she's cluster feeding so that she can last those longer stretches at night, if that's it than bring it on! I welcome anything that helps her sleep longer at night.

Weekly Highlight:

This past Sunday a few of my dear friends threw Ellie and I a beautiful shower. It was Dr. Seuss themed and they went above and beyond in decorations, food and games. Elliotte got so many cute clothes and books, I can't wait to put her in them. The only downside is that we now have a room that is literally FILLED with things that I have to somehow organize, good thing I have a year at home to do it! 

Peeking in at Elliotte while she swings around in her sling.

Loving this girl's smile!

5 Weeks.

So sorry that our update is pretty late this week but better late than never, right?! As I sit here typing, Elliotte is eating away so I figure if I can master the art of typing while breastfeeding I may end up being WAY more diligent with posting.

These are glorious days! I feel like Elliotte and I are in a bit of a babymoon. This first month reminds me of what it was like falling in love with Ben, I never tire of staring at her, kissing her, holding her all day long and although she sometimes cries for no apparent reason I love her, I have never felt so 100% obsessed with someone (Ben is a close second). I just can't get over the fact that Ben and I made this little person. I grew her inside of me without even having to think about it! I never shared on the blog and it's just a little too personal to get into details here but she truly is a miracle baby in every sense of the word and I'm baffled at how she came to be. I thank God for her every day, she truly is a gift from him.

Elliotte's Size:
As of Monday (4 weeks 5 days old) Ellie weighed 9 pounds 5.5 ounces, up 7 ounces from the week before. I find it so crazy to think that some people actually give birth to babies already this size. She seems so big to me and I guess compared to her birth weight she is, even though compared to some she's still quite small.

Post-Pregnancy Me:
Well, only a few more days till I throw myself into getting on track with my health. I have been thinking about how I'd like to be eating now that I'm no longer pregnant and even though I don't have to watch my blood sugar as closely I do want to be very conscientious of what I eat since I'm breastfeeding. I also want to get in shape not to mention live a long healthy life...more on this later! As far as fitness goes I plan on getting a gym membership next Wednesday. We'll see how often i can get away, I'm really looking forward to just a couple hours here and there for exercise, it has been too long.

Life Happenings:
Elliotte and I have been getting out and about almost every day. I think it's important for me to get out of the house to keep me sane. I'm lucky that we have a girl who likes her carseat. In the evenings we like to stay home and relax mainly because evenings aren't so great for Ellie, she seems to just be fussy all evening and it's difficult to know what she needs, as soon as she starts to shriek we go through the checklist of what's bothering her and typically she just wants to be rocked.

Weekly Highlight:
Last Sunday my sister-in-law and a couple of my aunties threw Ellie and I a shower. It was so beautiful and we felt so incredibly loved and blessed by all the gifts. Elliotte has pretty much an entire room filled to the brim with clothes, books, blankets and stuffed animals. I'm really looking forward to when she's more interactive. I'm trying to remind myself to enjoy every minute of who she is right now. They really do grow up too fast.

A picture of my sleeping beauty.

And here is Elliotte wide eyed and staring. She's really becoming her own little person these days.

3 Weeks.

Happy 3 Week Birthday Elliotte! 

Well, our little babe is 3 weeks old and still has no middle name... I'm starting to actually feel kind of anxious about the whole thing. By next week, if we haven't come up with one then the first person to suggest one can name her!

I can't believe how cute this little girl is getting, well I think so at least. She is such a good little baby and I can't believe how much I enjoy taking care of her. Before she was born I was so worried that I would hate being tied down by a baby but so far I feel privileged to be her mom, and although we have had moments where we have both been crying from frustration I can't imagine being anywhere else than with her, taking care of her every need. 

Now for the updates:

Ellie's Size:

So our little peanut isn't so little anymore. At 19 days old she was weighing 8lb's 10oz. She gained 10oz in a week. I had been kind of concerned that she was getting enough milk, apparently she is. At 3 weeks babies apparently hit a growth spurt so I'm excited to see what she'll weigh next week. A part of me wants her to grow and I'm excited for all her little developments and a part of me wants her to stay the same size she was when she was born.

Post-Pregnancy Symptoms:

Well, it's been 3 weeks and I'm feeling back to normal. I'm actually really looking forward to being able to exercise again. Elliotte and I like to go for walks but I'm really excited to get back into something more intense like weight training and running. 

Life Happenings:

I can't say life is terribly different from last week. One new development is that in the last 3 nights I haven't gotten any sleep before 5AM because Elliotte doesn't seem to want to sleep. It isn't too bad, it just means we sleep during the morning. She really is an amazing sleeper during the day, which makes being up all night not as bad. 

Weekly Highlight:

I started going to a mother and baby group this week. It was really nice to meet with other women who have similar things going on in their lives. I look forward to going every week, it's always nice to get out of the house for a few hours here and there.

And now for the best part...pictures! 

3 Weeks old.

She's getting so chubby and alert! 

My Favourite... Meal

I've never been a breakfast person. Growing up I NEVER ate anything before school, I remember my mom trying to force us to at least drink one glass of milk before going to school and I would rarely choke it down (it doesn't help that I HATE milk). I don't know why but I never had an appetite in the morning, I'm pretty sure my metabolism was just so out of whack due to the way I fed my body. By lunch time I would be famished, but since I never packed much of a lunch, I usually wouldn't eat much until after school, when I would get home and STUFF MY FACE. It was a horrible way to treat my body.

Since getting pregnant I have made a 180 degree turn in my eating habits. Well to be honest since getting the GDM diagnosis I have made a 180 degree turn. Not only has my body been requiring me to eat on a more regular basis but I have chosen to eat 'right' in order to provide this baby with the best possible nutrients for healthy growth. It's funny how a little training can really change a person. Now, I wake up and the first thing on my mind is breakfast. My stomach is growling and I can't wait to get downstairs and get started on my morning breakfast routine. I like to start off with a warm glass of water with lemon (this is a new addition to my routine, I would encourage you all to look up the benefits!) then I wait for 1 hour and only then do I begin my breakfast preparations, I generally switch up what I eat but it usually consists of something along the lines of a couple hard boiled eggs, a plate of salad and mixed berries with plain greek yoghurt, or perhaps a spinach smoothie with fruit, spinach and yoghurt, sometimes it's some rye crackers with cheese and cucumbers with a fruit and eggs on the side. I like to know that I have options. I also try to make sure I drink at least 20 oz of water during my breakfast to kick-start my water drinking for the day.

I find it funny that the meal that never had a hold on me growing up has now become the one that I look forward to the most. It feels so good to fuel my body for the day and to know that what I'm eating is good for both of us. :) 

Here's a quick snapshot of my breakfast today. A tossed salad with balsamic vinaigrette, plain greek yoghurt with some vanilla extract, stevia and strawberries and blueberries, and 2 eggs. 

And here's an example of another delicious breakfast. 

My green smoothie. Not quite as appealing to the eyes, but the taste is not half bad and it has nearly 2 CUPS of spinach! 

All this breakfast talk has made me a little sad that I'm done for today and have to wait until tomorrow to have breakfast again! 

28 Weeks!

Well, we have officially entered the 3rd trimester and I'm kinda freaking out. This means that we've already ventured 2/3 of this pregnancy, and the end is near. I feel utterly and totally unprepared. I feel like every person that I come into contact with asks me if we have the nursery ready, if we've bought all the things we need, if we have names picked out etc...etc...etc. We have done NOTHING. I have no clothing for the little gaffer, there is no bedroom carefully painted and prepared we are nowhere near agreeing on a suitable name.  I wonder if it's normal to feel overwhelmed, I hope so. It's so unbelievable that in a few short months there will be an entirely new person in my life that will TOTALLY rely on me, 100%. That's a lot of pressure to perform and do things 'the right way'. I don't even know what the right way is...I also know that I have a tendency to over think things and to worry, I'm trying hard not to, but when you have a constant reminder punching you in the ribs it's easy to let your mind wonder to dark places... Ok, there was my moment of vulnerability, now moving on!

Size:

Now, despite all of my fretting, I'm still amazed and excited that our Chinese cabbage is roughly 2lb 3oz in weight and almost 15in in length. This little one is now sporting eyelashes and may be able to detect light through the womb! The brain is also doing some MAJOR maturing and billions of neurons are developing. Of course there's also a steady amount of fat being packed onto that tiny skeletal frame! 

Pregnancy Symptoms:

I feel like I've all of a sudden entered the high energy phase that's supposed to happen in the 2nd trimester. This last week I have had a TON of energy and have felt amazing! I think it may be due to my relatively drastic change in diet. I'm hypothesizing that maybe eating truckloads of carbs every day was what made me kind of sluggish, and now that my diet consists of mainly fruits, veggies and protein my system is actually responding well, I don't know. 

Last week I met with a dietitian regarding my gestational diabetes (GDM) and when she looked at my numbers she said I was doing well and that I am definitely able to control it through diet alone for now. YAY! I meet with her again this week and we'll see if she still feels that way. I have been quite rigid with myself diet wise, (excluding the ice cream I had yesterday) and I think if I continue to stand strong this little babe and I will be ok! 

Well the back pain that I complained of last week is TOTALLY gone! I'm pretty amazed actually. I think perhaps the baby shifted a little because my low back feels great. Under the right side of my ribcage I have a constant sensation of pressure and the fairly regular punch or kick, but those are still fun and not painful....yet. 

I had a midwife appointment last week and it looks like our little baby is head down. This didn't mean much to me because I know there are many more weeks in which the baby will most likely flip upside down and right side up. I'll be more excited if he or she is head down at 35/36 weeks! I also found out at my appointment that my iron levels went from low to high so it looks like Floradix worked it's magic.  I'm pretty sure I was only taking it for about a month and my numbers drastically improved, which is super excellent! 

Life Happenings:

I feel like this category is always boring and the same....Our life as of late doesn't consist of much other than work, eating, sleeping and spending time with friends and family, oh and walking the dog... This week was no different. I feel very blessed that my energy level is up, work is actually enjoyable to go to, which for a little while it wasn't. 

We had a great mother's day. We slept in, actually missed church, which was bad on our part but boy did it feel good at the time. We then had a lazy afternoon, enjoyed being outside, Ben played volleyball while I watched and also managed to burn half of my face. Later on we had a picnic in the park with Ben's mom and finished the night off by watching the Survivor Season Finale with some good friends. It was a really good day. It's so crazy to think that next mother's day I will actually be someone's mother. 

Weekly Highlight:

I honestly think my highlight has been the BEAUTIFUL weather that's all of a sudden made an appearance. It is such an amazing thing when the sun shines and the grass is green. I can't wait to soak up as much fresh air and sun as possible in the next few weeks before it becomes too unbearably hot...

 Life is good!

Here's a 28 week photo, not the most flattering, but you get the idea...everything is getting huge...

 I just had to add this one. My sister and I took lil' Rose to the dog park right in the heat of the afternoon and she was just hyperventilating like crazy when we got home. Too cute!

Another pic I just had to add. Ben just LOVES this dog like you wouldn't believe! Any time we're home those two are together, as I've said before, if Ben loves our child 1/4 as much as this dog that kid is going to have all the love he/she needs!

Since it's Mother's Day (week) I had to add a picture of the best mom I could ever have asked for. She was amazing at getting down and playing with us. She has always been a friend to me. I hope I can be half the mom she was for us!

27 Weeks!

Size:

Our cauliflower is just under 2 pounds and 14.5 inches long. His or her little brain is very active and they are on a schedule now, waking and sleeping at regular times. I've definitely noticed active times and quieter times as far as movement goes. I also feel like I've perhaps started feeling pushing into my ribs, I don't know if this is too early but it sure feels like the right side gets the odd little jab. I week away from the 3rd trimester!!!!

Pregnancy Symptoms:

Well, I got some bad news this week... I am positive for Gestational Diabetes. I don't even have to go for the 3 hour glucose test, the test was that conclusive. I've spent quite a few hours today researching diabetic diets and I've stumbled upon the Brewer Diet which is pretty intense but seems to have good results, I'll talk to my midwife on Wednesday as to whether I should follow it or not, but I am determined to control this darn diabetes with diet and exercise. I'm also DETERMINED to NOT be considered a high risk pregnancy which having uncontrolled or insulin dependant diabetes automatically makes you. If I have to give up all foods that I love for the next 3 months to attain that goal and to have a healthy baby, then I will. 

I'm also beginning to sense just a twinge of pain in my low back. I feel it quite specifically around both of my sacroiliac joints so I'm assuming its due to the stretching of the ligaments of these joints to allow for a baby to pop out a relatively small space (the pelvic outlet). I truly feel lucky that I have had as little pain as I have so far, I honestly have nothing to complain about. Ben did comment and say that I'm starting to slightly waddle so I guess even though I don't notice it, my belly is starting to effect my walk a little....It's all downhill from here!

Life Happenings:

I'm excited to say that my job is being significantly altered for my current condition. As of next week I will be going down to just 33 hours a week and I will no longer have any shifts longer than 9 hours. I even get 3 days off! I'm also not going to be working past 6PM anymore which I'm SOOO excited about.  

Life seems to be trucking along just swimmingly. I can't believe how fast time is flying by. I know that I'm always saying that I want it to slow down, but it doesn't seem to!

Weekly Highlight:
This may seem a bit lame, but since having this diabetes diagnosis I'm determined to get at least an hour long walk after supper every day, so Ben and I have been taking Rose to the dog park. It's so nice to see her running around having a blast with the other dogs, it's also so nice to be getting some fresh air. I'm also really encouraged since I've been checking my blood sugar levels 7 times a day now and it looks like I'm kind of figuring out what I can eat, so it looks like I'll be able to control it by diet and exercise alone! What a lame highlight....sorry folks.

I've been trying to drink Nettle tea that I got from the health food store, an additional attempt at raising my iron levels.

Here is Ben and the dogs on our BEAUTIFUL walk last night. I LOVE Saskatchewan spring!

Here's a belly picture for 27 weeks.

The See-Saw Effect!

So today's post is selfish and petty but I should be posting what's on my mind, petty or not. Right? Ben and I have been frequenting the gym for roughly 4 months now. It's been good. I know I've gotten stronger and the scale has slowly been creeping it's way down, but right now all I can focus on is how slowly changes are taking place. Sure I'll lose a pound one week, then low and behold the next week I'm up 2. I'm so tempted to just grab the scale and throw it off the balcony....The truth is it's not the scale I should be blaming, it's me... I will be soooo good for a week, eating breakfast, drinking water, giving it my all at the gym and taking my vitamins, then I'll have one bad day and all of a sudden my good habits go straight out the window and I'm back to doing everything half-assed. I'm getting quite sick of my see-saw ways... How do I stick to something? How do I stay motivated? These are the questions eating my brain...Sorry for being a butt today, I'm not quite as down on myself as I sound, I really do have hope! Today after my workout I was already looking forward to tomorrow's, and my friend Allison has joined too so now I have someone to work out with! I'll let you know how it all turns out, I feel a change coming on!!!

Don't think twice it's alright

Once again I've left things wayyy too long, it's not that I've been too busy, or bored, I've thought about blogging lots in the past few weeks but just haven't gotten around to doing it...

These past few weeks I've really been trying to put in time at the gym. It sure is frustrating to not see the results that you want. I have learned that I'm quite possibly the most impatient person that I know. As of today it is 3 weeks since we started at Mecca Fitness and somehow I secretly was expecting to reach all my goals by now....silly Sov....It took months to get to the state that I'm in, I don't know how I expected to miraculously change shape in a matter of days. Anyways enough about the gym I'm annoying myself just talking about it.

So if you had read this post you would know about my reading list for the year. I have updates! So I finished The Birth House, it continued to be one of my favourite reads right till the end. It's not an overly 'feel good' type of book I realized as I was pretty disturbed by some of the things that I read, but we can't always read books that make us feel good. Speaking of 'feel good' books, I also finished Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk which was one of the funniest books I've read in a long time. Not only was it really easy to read (it only took about 2 1/2 hours to read) but now whenever I think about it I'm reminded of lying by a pool in Arizona reading it in the sun. I've changed my mind about Tess of the Durbervilles, I'm not going to read it, there's a reason I've had the book for 4 years and have tried to start it about 5 times and have never gotten past the first chapter. I guess I'm going to have to post a revised reading list seeing as I'm pretty much done the one that I had made.

On a totally different note, yesterday was Ben's 22nd birthday! We are finally the same age! I hate the three months of the year when I'm a year older, so it's nice to be the same age. I'll save his 'Birthday Post' for later...

Anyways, this was quite a mishmash of a post but it's what was on my mind.

Gym Talk

Joined a gym today.... boy do I hope this pays off...

Diet What?/ Inspiration!

So the start of today's post is pretty vain and self centered but it's something that's been quite strong in my mind lately. Since getting married only 3 short months ago, I can feel myself getting, how do I put this....wider... I can't fit 95% of my pants and up until now all I've done is complained about it. Luckily Friday morning something changed. I can't put my finger on the exact moment but all of a sudden I had a burst of motivation and I wrote up a new meal plan for myself, cutting out the things that were obviously harmful to my health, not to mention my figure. It's only been 5 days but already I'm starting to feel better. I haven't seen a shift in my shape, however, I'm starting to feel less of a draw to eat junk because I have nothing else to do. (yes I do that all the time! Isn't that disgusting!) I've replaced my mid-afternoon pasta dishes with a grapefruit or some assorted veggies. I really hope that I can break my addiction to highly processed, highly refined food and I guess writing about it for everyone to read will help me to be kept accountable!

Something else that I've been thinking about lately is how much better I want to be! Yes I can change my body with a bit of mind over matter, but who I am and my attitude towards people is a much harder fix, in fact it's impossible without the strength of God. This past Saturday I was at the funeral of Ken Rutherford, a pastor from here in Saskatoon, as sad as the funeral was at the loss of Ken it was so encouraging to see how many lives he touched and how he truly loved everyone with the love of Christ. I'm really encouraged to with God's help, work on that and I encourage everyone to do the same. What kind of a legacy do you want to leave behind? Do you want to be remembered as Impatient, Selfish, Gluttonous, Rude, Angry or would you rather be remembered as Loving, Selfless, Caring, Patient, Kind, Generous, Joyful. Adventurous- I know I do! I am so thankful for Ken and his amazing example to the rest of us!