New Life!

Life has been pretty crazy in these parts as of late. Two beautiful little girls were born, unexpectedly this past week. My sister-in-law and brother have been pregnant with twins due at the end of July, however she was extra high risk because of some complicated medical stuff and had to be watched extra carefully and had to go for ultrasounds weekly. Well, they went in for their ultrasound on Wednesday and were told that the twins had to come today! Off to the OR they went, and within minutes Taliana and Rayna Siemens were unceremoniously yanked from their home of 30 weeks and cried their first cries! I was so blessed to be able to go up to the NICU and meet my precious little nieces on their birthday. They are both incredibly small at roughly 3 pounds each, but are fighting hard and have been doing very well. 

I have loved watching my brother become a dad and seeing him fall head over heals for his identical little girls makes my heart sing! He is such a good daddy. He goes up to the NICU every day and sings lullabies that he has written for his little gems. He brags about all of their accomplishments non-stop. His wife has been such a trouper with such a fast adjustment and watching her recover from her c-section is inspiring! She had to get used to the idea that her pregnancy was over prematurely in an instant and has done amazingly. She is doing so well and I'm so proud of her! The next couple months are going to be rough as every day will be taken up with multiple trips up to the NICU, pumping around the clock and mourning the fact that the babies aren't at home with Mom and Dad where they belong. My heart aches for my brother and his new family and yet I rejoice at this gift of life! 

I'm so blessed to be auntie to these two little beauties, and I can't wait to get to know them better!

It all started 1 year ago...

Hands sweaty, heart pounding, stomach tied up in knots. I couldn't sleep, so I got up and drove over to Shoppers Drug Mart. The roads were empty, no one was up at 5:00AM. I quietly walked up to the counter with a two pack, I needed double the confirmation. I took both tests thinking that they might tell me that the one I had taken the night before had been an error, after all, the instructions say to use the first morning stream....I had used the last evening stream... But there was no mistake...we were having a baby!

I waited until 8:00AM, literally watching the clock turn from 7:59 to 8:00. I had the number dialled, I pushed CALL, no one answered the first time, I guess being open from 8:00-4:00 actually meant 8:10-4:00. I called back ten minutes later, I told the receptionist that I needed a midwife. For some reason I was shocked when she didn't schedule me an appointment right then and there, she told me that the midwives are swamped and I'd be lucky if I was chosen as a patient, but to wait and see, perhaps I would be one of the lucky ones. 

I went to work. Ben and I texted back and forth about our secret, discussing who we wanted to let in and who we wanted to wait to tell. That night we told my parents, they both cried, this was the first grandchild for them and they couldn't have been happier. We told Ben's mom the next day, she screamed, we were at a restaurant. We told our siblings and decided to keep everyone else in the dark. We wanted to keep our secret for a little while. We waited for February to tell our friends. 

Christmas came and went, we celebrated New Years, moved out of our apartment, settled into our new home and then one day early January I got a call from the midwives, we had been accepted! I finally was able to get excited about planning a home birth. I started researching, reread all my birth books, watched birth videos,  I filled my mind with anything birth related. I tried to keep any thoughts of fear at bay.

Pregnancy flew by. I didn't want it to end. I will always remember how it felt the first time I felt Elliotte wiggle inside me.  I was massaging a client's neck and all of a sudden right below my belly button I felt a twinge. I was 20 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Week by week my body changed. Elliotte grew and developed, the twinges became kicks, the kicks became strong and were visible from the outside, one change blended into the next as our baby grew. I began my maternity leave at 37 weeks pregnant and the three weeks that I spent at home waiting for Ellie will always be a precious memory for me, we walked, we napped, we installed the car seat, went to birth classes, picked up last minute supplies for the birth,  debated name choices and walked some more. 

My due date came and went like any other Sunday. Monday passed and Elliotte didn't move, I kept waiting and waiting to feel her beautiful movements and it never happened. 11:00PM rolled around and I was worried. We called our midwife, she said to go to the hospital. We got to emergency, I was ushered to the front of the line, I guess they all thought I was in labour. We got up into assessments where our midwife met us. She hooked me up to the monitors and we heard the most beautiful sound in the world,  the strong galloping of Elliotte's heartbeat. The midwife sent us home saying that she thought we needed to get some rest since I was in early labour. 

We went to bed and I woke up the next morning feeling better than ever and I was frustrated... why was I not in labour? I was crampy and didn't feel great but not like I thought labour would be. We went to bed Tuesday night annoyed, and then it happened...

...I woke up early Wednesday morning and knew that it was the day. Everything tightened, everything ached, and I was so excited. Now, 3 months later, the memories are hazy. I want to remember every minute, I want to remember every sensation, every thought, but I don't. I remember bits and pieces, I remember watching a comedian and wanting him to just shut up. I remember seeing Ben set up the birth pool and feeling so proud of him. I remember Sharon, our doula, praying for me in her sweet, calm, motherly voice. I remember hating the birth ball and loving the tub. I remember being forced to drink booster juice in between contractions. I remember feeling so proud of my body. I remember seeing one of the midwives sleeping on the couch and feeling bad for all the noise but not being able to control it. I remember the shocking feeling of my water breaking and the intense change in contractions after. I remember the determination I felt when told I had to get out of the pool. I remember pushing whether I felt a contraction or not. I remember the sense of panic when the midwife said to call the ambulance, the pure adrenaline that took over to get Ellie out in that moment, and the relief that flooded me when the midwife calmly said, "never mind, baby is coming". I will never forget the moment that I cried out, "Oh my God, he's here! Thank you God!" I will never forget the love that washed over my little family those first few moments, when no one around us mattered, when the midwives silently checked over my beautiful baby and confirmed that she was perfect, and in fact a girl. I remember being fed apples and crackers and not wanting to eat but realizing how delicious food actually was. I will always remember crawling into bed with my husband and baby, everyone snuggled in, having totally forgotten to call and tell anyone about the life-changing day we had just had, pure bliss.

 

We spent the first week pretty much snuggled up on the couch while friends and family came and went. When Elliotte was 3 days old we walked over to my parents so that she could meet Rose. When she was 5 days old we went to Costco. When she was 8 days we went to Emma lake. The first six weeks was a love filled blur. 

As time has gone on we have gotten to know our little beauty. Elliotte is almost 4 months old, she has a personality, she is an active, determined, smiley, demanding, fast eating, explosive pooping, beautiful little girl.

In the past year I have gone from shock to fear to doubt to nervous excitement to genuine excitement to intense pain to being overcome by the fiercest of loves and that's where I'm stuck...I hope that never changes. 

Elliotte's Birth Story

I don't exactly know how this is going to go, the entire day is quite a blur in my mind. There are large chunks of the day that I don't remember at all so I may end up getting some help from Ben in remembering bits and pieces.  

Elliotte's Birth Day

 I woke up at 4:30 AM on August 8th to a painful contraction. It's funny how for so many weeks I had been wondering if every tightening of my belly was 'the real thing' and when 'the real thing' finally hit I just knew. After the first contraction I waited and sure enough ten minutes later I felt another one. I knew at this point that sleep was the most important thing to get so I tried going back to sleep. It became clear to me when seven minutes later another contraction hit that sleep wasn't going to be happening. I thought if I had a bath maybe it would slow the contractions down so that I could sleep some more, however, getting in the tub didn't slow anything down and I started having contractions every five minutes. As soon as I got out of the bath I knew that I should eat something, although I had no appetite whatsoever. I jumped in the car and drove to Tim Hortons where I picked up a bagel. It was super inconvenient that we had no food in the house but I knew I needed some complex carbs so I went anyways. 

Once I got home contractions were consistently three to five minutes apart and lasting 45 seconds, walking around was the best way to cope at this point. I pretty much paced and breathed for the next hour. At six Ben woke up and came out of the bedroom to see me pacing the living room. I told him that I thought this was 'it' but that he should go to work since I figured I could use some alone time and promised to text when I needed him to come home. 

Here are a series of the texts that we sent back and forth during the short 2 hours that Ben was at work. It didn't take me long to realize that I didn't want to be alone.

 At one point the contractions slowed to about 6 minutes apart and I thought I should walk the dog. Luckily, the next contraction ended up being pretty intense and I decided against it. This was the beginning of an increase in intensity.

At 8:30AM I told Ben that he needed to come home because I was needing him. That 40 minute drive for him to come home felt like forever. At this point I was coping with contractions by sitting on the exercise ball and leaning on the couch. I was already moaning through the pains and I realized that I wouldn't be the silent, graceful labouring woman that I had hoped I would be....

When Ben got home from work I set him to work right away putting the birth pool together. Once the pool was set up I figured it was time to call the doula to let her know that we would hopefully be needing her within the next hours. I called her and said that we would most likely want her to come around 11AM. After calling the doula we called the midwife who said she would be over in an hour. She came at 10:30AM and checked me. She wouldn't tell me how dilated I was but she said I was 100% effaced so I knew that my body had done SOMETHING in the last 6 hours. After some investigating I got the midwife to say that I wasn't in active labour yet (according to dilation, although according to the frequency of my contractions I was) and she left saying to call her when things kicked up a notch. 

Here is the last smiling picture of me pregnant. This was taken at about 9:30AM while Ben was setting up the pool. 

The next few hours Ben and I spent alone, he talked me through contractions, practiced his Norwegian lessons...(he's taking an online Norwegian course) and even slept for a bit while I sat, walked or did whatever it took to cope with the contractions. At one point we actually watched a stand up comedian on Netflix, I can't say that I paid much attention. I do remember feeling like by this point the contractions were pretty intense and they were definitely close together (2-3 minutes apart), little did I know how intense they were going to get.

At about 2PM I said that it was time to call our doula. I thought I was coping well, but I knew that things had kicked it up a notch and Ben was definitely more comfortable having someone else there. She got there half an hour later and the instant she walked into our house she came over to me and began breathing with me. When she got there I realized how poorly I had actually been coping and it was so helpful having someone there to help Ben know what to do. Breathing was something that I really needed help with during labour and from the moment she got there until our Ellie was born she breathed through every contraction with me, 'in through the nose out through the mouth', I probably heard those words over 300 times during the course of the day. It was SO hard to breath in, but breathing out felt amazing. After only a few minutes of being with us our doula realized that I wasn't coping very well in my current position and suggested labouring in the bathroom. We got upstairs and I sat backwards on the toilet leaning on a pillow. This was actually an extremely comfortable position. I had shooting pains down the sides of my legs during every contraction and the only way that I could handle it was having our doula apply pressure to the sides of my legs while Ben would push on my low back which was aching like crazy, then in between contractions one of them would stroke my upper back while the other stuck a straw of water or a Booster Juice in my mouth and demand that I drink. By this point I had lost any concept of time. I remember even asking what time it was and our doula saying that time didn't matter, I'm grateful now for that because if I had been counting the hours I would have gotten really discouraged.

At one point I got in the bathtub. It felt AMAZING. I wouldn't say that the water decreased my contraction pain at all, but being able to float really helped the pain in the sides of my legs and my low back. Eventually while in the tub I said that I wanted to call the midwife. Ben or the doula must have called her because I definitely didn't. The midwife that showed up was not my regular midwife as my primary midwife was with another patient and would be showing up a little later. I LOVED this midwife though. She came into the bathroom, explained everything she was doing really well and made me feel instantly comfortable around her even though I didn't know her. I asked her to check me and she said that I was 5 centimetres, close to 6. At this point I also demanded that Ben tell me the time, so I know that this was at 5PM. Now looking back I'm surprised that I wasn't more discouraged that after 12 hours of labour I was only half way there, but I wasn't. I hardly even thought about how much was left to go, I was just so amazed that my body had worked so hard and had gotten to 5 centimetres on it's own! At one point in the bath tub I projectile vomited my booster juice all over, REALLY classy! After this cute little episode it was advised that I get out of the tub. I wasn't super interested in remaining steeped in my own vomit anyways. 

I got out of the tub and if I remember correctly the birth pool was filled but the water was too warm so I had to manage some contractions on dry land. This was AWFUL. My primary midwife showed up at this point and yet I don't remember much of her. She would come check the baby's heart rate every 15 minutes or so and otherwise was sitting writing who knows what. Finally the pool was ready and I got to climb in. Once again I had NO concept of time so I can't tell you what time I got in or what time I got out. In my mind I was only in the tub for about 10 minutes but Ben assures me that it was a couple hours at least. It was while I was in the pool that I entered transition....Now for people who are not well versed in labour and the natural progression of things I will fill you in. Transition is by far the hardest part of labour. It spans the time that your cervix opens from 7 centimetres to 10 centimetres. In my case I was blessed with contractions one on top of another all through transition, just as a contraction would start to ease up another one would come. I dry heaved and my whole body shook through every contraction which makes trying to breath mighty hard. I BEGGED for an epidural, a c-section, and to be driven to the hospital. Let me just interject how impressed I am with Ben, even though I was thrashing about, he stayed right there with me holding a cold cloth on my neck and forehead, telling me how proud he was of me, and all while I behaved like a wild beast! 

During this horrible, horrible point I was checked a couple times and it seemed like there was a bit of cervix that just wouldn't open. I was feeling quite a bit of pressure with each contraction (a sign that I was ready to push) but unless I was fully dilated Elliotte would not be able to pass through.The midwife suggested getting out of the tub to try some different positions to help finish the process. I hated her for making me get out, but oh well, it had to be done. Eventually the midwife suggested she try to help me stretch the rest of the way. Now I'm sorry if this is too graphic but oh well, no one is making you read this! So during a contraction she reaches up and tries to manually stretch the cervix, she had to do this 4 or 5 times (ouch) and eventually it worked and I was ready to push out my baby! 

Since we were planning a water birth I hobbled back over to the pool and got in. What happened next is a blur. The midwife was checking Elliotte's heart rate during every contraction and after only a couple contractions it was obvious that she wasn't doing well. I was told to get out of the tub right then and I was moved over to the couch.  After 25 minutes of pushing the one midwife told the other to call the ambulance, Elliotte's heart rate was still not doing as well after contractions as it should and they were anticipating that I would be pushing for a while still. On the next contraction I used every ounce of strength that I had left and on Wednesday, August 8th at 11:24PM out she came! She came out with her little fist up by her head which is why her heart rate kept dropping. I ended up with a tiny tear and 2 stitches which was not bad at all. 

Elliotte was the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen. For the first 10 minutes of her life we just stared at her in awe. We didn't even look to see whether we had a girl or a boy. After the most amazing shower in the whole world I joined my new family and climbed into bed where we spent the next few hours finding out all we could about our little Ellie. She was 7 pounds 1/2 ounce and 20 inches long, absolutely perfect.

Giving birth was the hardest thing that I've ever done but it was so worth it! I can't believe how intense the contractions were and how strong a woman's body is. I just can't believe that she's here! 

Moments after she was born.

Ben holding his daughter for the first time.

A new family!

She was so alert and just stared at us with her beautiful big eyes.