4 Month Update....

Our girl is now over 4 months old and it's incredible how much she has changed since her arrival. I enjoy my days with her so much, I truly couldn't have known that motherhood would be so totally amazing!

Elliotte's Size:

My girl is still pretty little. At her appointment this week she weighed 12 pounds 6 ounces which puts her in the 15th percentile, such a little girl. The pediatrician has been watching her weight gain because it has been so slow but as of this week she said she has no concerns about her. She's happy, and growing (although not quickly), ACTIVE, and demanding. The doc mentioned that since she is so active she is most likely just not able to keep weight on, I wish I had the same problem...

Everything was put into perspective this week when we visited 2 brand new babies, fresh out of the  NICU (both premies), they are SO LITTLE, which makes Elliotte look HUGE!

Developments:

Well this girl just does not stay still! On Friday November 23rd, Elliotte rolled from belly to back. I thought it was strange how long it took her considering she rolled the other way at 2 months. Now tummy time is basically a joke since she INSTANTLY rolls over the second I place her on her stomach.

We got Elliotte a Jolly Jumper and she LOVES it. She loves to just hop around and usually lasts about 15 minutes before she loses interest. It has allowed me to be able to actually get some things done around the house.

This girl is always wanting to know what's going on in the world. Ever since she was about a month old she has wanted to be held facing outward. She is always looking around staring at everyone and everything. Ben gets frustrated because she really won't snuggle anymore. The only time she lets you hold her close it to nurse and even then she's flailing her arms and legs about. I'm downright petrified for how she's going to be once she starts walking.....

Ellie is almost sitting. She will sit for about 10-15 seconds before she wavers and topples over. I don't think it will be too many months before she is a good little sitter. 

Well, I have now kissed any good night rest goodbye...Ellie seems to have regressed. She wakes up every 1.5 hours and will just cry, sometimes I'll feed her to sleep and then the second I place her in the bassinet she starts to wail. Last night I ended up just sleeping in the bed in her room with her next to me since I could not get her to sleep on her own. I'm very perplexed as to whats going on. She went from 9 hour stretches to this. Does anyone have any advice or ideas as to what I can do? I'm starting to feel like a zombie, not to mention a bad mother....

In more fun news...Elliotte has now discovered Rose the Pug. She will look at her and just laugh as Rose runs circles around her. Now that she's reaching for things if Rose is within reaching distance Elliotte just grabs for whatever she can grasp. Luckily, Rose the Pug is easy going and doesn't get angry when she has her eyeballs fondled. 

Interesting Tidbits:

• We went to 'Movies for Mommy' at the theatre last week, which is nice in the sense that we got out, but once there I realized that it isn't for us. First of all the movie that was showing was pretty violent which doesn't make sense to me seeing as there are kids there... and secondly, Elliotte wanted to stand, squirm, laugh, squeal and bounce all over the place for the entirety of the movie... yes, I was 'that mom', you know, the one that can't control her baby. 
• Now that Ellie isn't sleeping so much at night she seems to be having better naps and I'm loving having a little more time to get things done. I've noticed that she doesn't nap if we are out and about so I have been trying to stay home more during the days and it is LOVELY. (I also like the idea of staying out of the Christmas hustle and bustle, it is a well known fact that I don't like Christmas, maybe I'll go into why in a later post) 
• We are hosting 2 parties this weekend and my house is a DISASTER, hopefully Ellie will sleep for me today so that I can get ready.
• Ellie is at an awkward stage where she is too long for a lot of her 0-3 month clothes but is wayyy to skinny to fit into her 3-6 month stuff. Her clothes either look nice and fitted with her limbs just too long, or they fit in length and she is swallowed by the width of them. 

I know it's soooo cliche but I just can't believe how fast time is going! My girl is most definitely out of the newborn stage and literally bouncing into babyhood. Next stop, toddlerhood! I just want my days to slow down and my baby to stay the same for just a WEEK... The good news is that with every phase comes amazing growth and development- there is ALWAYS something fun and new. 

She has found her feet and it's impossible to keep them out of her mouth.

Chillin' out in her Jolly Jumper

Found a rare moment of her happy on her tummy

Carseat smiles!

This is her 'I'm ready for a nap' face.

Of course we need a picture of Rose the Pug!

And we can't forget the people who are usually behind the camera. My parents took Ellie while Ben and I made a quick dash to Costco the other night, it's  funny how even just grocery shopping can feel like a date now.

What is health?

This question has been whirling through my brain at breakneck speed. What does it mean to be healthy? What are the steps one should take in attaining health? What are the reliable voices to be listened to within the field?
I have gotten pretty used to not trusting the most widely accepted approach in life. Becoming pregnant and then having to make pregnancy, birthing and now parenting decisions I realize that upon researching I typically go against the grain. I see that this trend seems to be spilling over into how I view my health as well. Before getting pregnant I was diagnosed with a condition that although it seems harmless at my age will most likely leave me with some pretty ugly chronic illnesses down the road. Modern medicine would advise that I go on the birth control pill to mask the symptoms and then when I develop diabetes and heart disease in however many years I will be treated for those symptoms when we reach that point. Well, I'm not happy with that scenario. I would much rather take control of my health at this point and hopefully avoid those icky chronic conditions all together!

Here are some ways in which I plan to take control of my health:

• Get into a regular exercise routine, that includes cardio as well as weight training.
• Buy more locally grown produce.
• Buy exclusively organic produce or at the very least the ones that are known to be the worst ex. strawberries, spinach etc.
• Buy only produce that is currently in season.
• Stay 100% clear of anything genetically modified....VERY difficult.
• Avoid processed foods. 
• Cut out dairy, besides kefir and organic yogurt.
• Stop eating red meat. (Not excited about this one.)
• Only eat whole grains and preferably cut out wheat all together.
• Increase our fresh lake fish consumption. 
• Only buy chicken and turkey that is free range and fed properly.
• Drink 3 litres of water a day minimum, and stay away from tap water as much as possible.
• Include the top ten superfoods into my regular diet.
• Make sure at least 70% of each meal is raw.

Looking back at my list I can see that it looks very ambitious and I'm sure many people would look at this and think that many of my points are unnecessary. I look at it this way, our bodies are temples, we are commanded time and time again in the Bible to honour God with our bodies. I believe that to do this we really need to start taking how we treat our bodies more seriously. I know it may cost more money, taste a little less flavourful, and be more difficult but isn't God's temple worth that!? We have a responsibility to Him to guard these temporary dwelling places that we've been given. 

I know I won't be making all of the changes at once. It's a process, one which I have only just begun, it's slow but it's coming along. I would like to see where I am in a year from now. I would like to say that I will be doing all of these points full heartedly. We'll see....

It all started 1 year ago...

Hands sweaty, heart pounding, stomach tied up in knots. I couldn't sleep, so I got up and drove over to Shoppers Drug Mart. The roads were empty, no one was up at 5:00AM. I quietly walked up to the counter with a two pack, I needed double the confirmation. I took both tests thinking that they might tell me that the one I had taken the night before had been an error, after all, the instructions say to use the first morning stream....I had used the last evening stream... But there was no mistake...we were having a baby!

I waited until 8:00AM, literally watching the clock turn from 7:59 to 8:00. I had the number dialled, I pushed CALL, no one answered the first time, I guess being open from 8:00-4:00 actually meant 8:10-4:00. I called back ten minutes later, I told the receptionist that I needed a midwife. For some reason I was shocked when she didn't schedule me an appointment right then and there, she told me that the midwives are swamped and I'd be lucky if I was chosen as a patient, but to wait and see, perhaps I would be one of the lucky ones. 

I went to work. Ben and I texted back and forth about our secret, discussing who we wanted to let in and who we wanted to wait to tell. That night we told my parents, they both cried, this was the first grandchild for them and they couldn't have been happier. We told Ben's mom the next day, she screamed, we were at a restaurant. We told our siblings and decided to keep everyone else in the dark. We wanted to keep our secret for a little while. We waited for February to tell our friends. 

Christmas came and went, we celebrated New Years, moved out of our apartment, settled into our new home and then one day early January I got a call from the midwives, we had been accepted! I finally was able to get excited about planning a home birth. I started researching, reread all my birth books, watched birth videos,  I filled my mind with anything birth related. I tried to keep any thoughts of fear at bay.

Pregnancy flew by. I didn't want it to end. I will always remember how it felt the first time I felt Elliotte wiggle inside me.  I was massaging a client's neck and all of a sudden right below my belly button I felt a twinge. I was 20 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Week by week my body changed. Elliotte grew and developed, the twinges became kicks, the kicks became strong and were visible from the outside, one change blended into the next as our baby grew. I began my maternity leave at 37 weeks pregnant and the three weeks that I spent at home waiting for Ellie will always be a precious memory for me, we walked, we napped, we installed the car seat, went to birth classes, picked up last minute supplies for the birth,  debated name choices and walked some more. 

My due date came and went like any other Sunday. Monday passed and Elliotte didn't move, I kept waiting and waiting to feel her beautiful movements and it never happened. 11:00PM rolled around and I was worried. We called our midwife, she said to go to the hospital. We got to emergency, I was ushered to the front of the line, I guess they all thought I was in labour. We got up into assessments where our midwife met us. She hooked me up to the monitors and we heard the most beautiful sound in the world,  the strong galloping of Elliotte's heartbeat. The midwife sent us home saying that she thought we needed to get some rest since I was in early labour. 

We went to bed and I woke up the next morning feeling better than ever and I was frustrated... why was I not in labour? I was crampy and didn't feel great but not like I thought labour would be. We went to bed Tuesday night annoyed, and then it happened...

...I woke up early Wednesday morning and knew that it was the day. Everything tightened, everything ached, and I was so excited. Now, 3 months later, the memories are hazy. I want to remember every minute, I want to remember every sensation, every thought, but I don't. I remember bits and pieces, I remember watching a comedian and wanting him to just shut up. I remember seeing Ben set up the birth pool and feeling so proud of him. I remember Sharon, our doula, praying for me in her sweet, calm, motherly voice. I remember hating the birth ball and loving the tub. I remember being forced to drink booster juice in between contractions. I remember feeling so proud of my body. I remember seeing one of the midwives sleeping on the couch and feeling bad for all the noise but not being able to control it. I remember the shocking feeling of my water breaking and the intense change in contractions after. I remember the determination I felt when told I had to get out of the pool. I remember pushing whether I felt a contraction or not. I remember the sense of panic when the midwife said to call the ambulance, the pure adrenaline that took over to get Ellie out in that moment, and the relief that flooded me when the midwife calmly said, "never mind, baby is coming". I will never forget the moment that I cried out, "Oh my God, he's here! Thank you God!" I will never forget the love that washed over my little family those first few moments, when no one around us mattered, when the midwives silently checked over my beautiful baby and confirmed that she was perfect, and in fact a girl. I remember being fed apples and crackers and not wanting to eat but realizing how delicious food actually was. I will always remember crawling into bed with my husband and baby, everyone snuggled in, having totally forgotten to call and tell anyone about the life-changing day we had just had, pure bliss.

 

We spent the first week pretty much snuggled up on the couch while friends and family came and went. When Elliotte was 3 days old we walked over to my parents so that she could meet Rose. When she was 5 days old we went to Costco. When she was 8 days we went to Emma lake. The first six weeks was a love filled blur. 

As time has gone on we have gotten to know our little beauty. Elliotte is almost 4 months old, she has a personality, she is an active, determined, smiley, demanding, fast eating, explosive pooping, beautiful little girl.

In the past year I have gone from shock to fear to doubt to nervous excitement to genuine excitement to intense pain to being overcome by the fiercest of loves and that's where I'm stuck...I hope that never changes. 

2 Month Update... 2 weeks late.

Elliotte is now over 2 months old. I can't believe it! She is such a precious little girl. Every day she is changing and growing and I feel so blessed to be able to be here for every little development.

Elliotte's Size:
Well, my little girl is still pretty little. We had an appointment with the pediatrician last week and Ellie weighed in at 10 lbs, 7oz.  Her length was 22 1/2 inches which was actually shorter than she was a few weeks prior at her final midwife appointment so I'm assuming someone measured her wrong. The pediatrician had no concerns about her size so I'm just going to enjoy her skinny little legs while I can.
However, the original reason we went to the pediatrician was due to the fact that Ellie has a dark red area on the bottom corner of her lip. I had no concerns about it, but after having my Uncle (a pediatrician) take a look at her we decided to get it checked out. She may need treatment for it but at this stage we're just waiting to get in to see a dermatologist before deciding anything.

Developments:
On Monday, October 8th Elliotte rolled over. We were at my cousins house enjoying Thanksgiving dinner with the extended family, Ellie and her second cousin were lying on the floor playing. All of a sudden Ellie just flipped right over from her back to her stomach. I assumed it was just a fluke since she's still so young but since then she's been doing it with increasing frequency. She's already done it 4 times today. It's quite exciting to watch her, she can get about 3/4 over no problem and then she get's stuck on her arm, she grunts with frustration for about 5 minutes before she works up the strength to get completely over. I think I have a tenacious little girl on my hands. She still shows no signs of wanting to roll from stomach to back.

She's now cooing and laughing up a storm. It's so fun to play with her now that she likes to interact more and more. She likes to imitate the sounds and faces that we make. It's a hoot.

A List of interesting tidbits:

• We have been trying to get out lots to avoid cabin fever.
• Sometimes when Ellie is having a particularly long nap I put my finger under her nose to make sure she's still breathing.
• While we are on the topic of sleeping, we are actually getting a reasonable amount of it these days.
• Elliotte seems to have decided that she won't take a bottle any more...rats...
• I cried when Moose rolled over. I'm quite the suck...
• It feels like fall is already over and winter is here, boo.
• Ben and I had a fantastic date night sans baby this past week. 
• There is nothing more precious then my little girls coo's, smiles and giggles.
• This parenting thing is harder than I ever imagined, but I wouldn't trade it for the world! 

T.T.F.N...Ta ta for now

Well, it appears that summer is on it's way out. I'm actually not sad to see summer go. I don't hate summer, I enjoy the sun and heat to an extent but autumn is by far my favourite season. I love the changing colours, the way the chilly air turns your cheeks red, The way you're always a little cool unless you're sitting in the sun. Going for walks are the absolute BEST at this time of year and I'm really looking forward to how many we can squeeze in before the snow starts to fall.

I don't know if there are statistics to back this up but it definitely feels like fall is the shortest of the seasons. I know technically speaking all seasons are the same length, however weather wise this sure isn't the case. Here in Saskatchewan, winter is typically the longest, spring maybe the second longest, summer unpredictable and fall lasts maybe a month and a half, enjoy it while it lasts!

Today we enjoyed the afternoon in the park by the river. We had blankets to sit on, music to listen to, a volleyball and frisbee to throw around and friends to share it all with. It was perfect. The sun was shining and yet there was a beautiful breeze to keep things cool.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel like the worst mother in the world. I feel like no matter how much research I do, I still make the wrong decision. I question everything I do, do I hold her enough, does she get enough tummy time, is she lying on her back to much, is she in her car seat for too many hours a day, am I changing her diaper often enough, am I too uptight, am I too laid back....blah...blah...blah. It's all a bunch of useless gibberish. I know in my head that all of this worrying is a waste of time and I know that no one is perfect, it's just that I feel like I'm working on the most important assignment that I will ever do and I really want to do well. How's that for vulnerability. 

7 Weeks

Boy am I glad to leave the last week behind. If Ellie wasn't eating, she was crying, luckily this phase only lasted 48 hours. In retrospect I think it's pretty obvious that is was a growth spurt, but boy was that a long 2 days. I now have a lot of sympathy for parents who deal with colicky babies. 

I feel as if we are sliding into a bit of a routine now, although it's definitely not one that I would have designed had I been in charge. Elliotte for the last 4 days has been very alert and awake from about 5:30PM to 1:00AM only sleeping for about 15 minute intervals every 3 hours or so. During this time she likes to eat every 1/2 hour. From 1:00AM to 6:30AM she sleeps like a baby (woohoo!). From 6:30AM to 5:30PM she follows the pattern of eating, then is awake and playful for maybe 1/2 hour then back to sleeps for 3 hours then repeat. This seems to be pretty consistent and to be honest I don't hate it. This pattern allows me to get a lot done during the day and I'm sort of getting used to staying awake till 1:00AM. I'd say the only downside is that when Ben get's home we don't get much time to relax together since this is the time when Ellie is the highest maintenance. Ideally I'd like it if she went down for the night at 8:00ish and then I would just get up and feed her a couple times during the night, but at this stage she calls the shots.

Update Time:

Elliotte's Size:

I feel sort of lost since little E didn't have an appointment this week. I know she's growing though because she is now fitting a few of her 0-3 month onesies and even a couple of the 3 month sleepers. She isn't really filling any of her clothes out widthwise but lengthwise she sure is. I'm excited to see her weight and length in a couple weeks when she'll be 2 months old. 

Post-Pregnancy Me:

Well I'm ashamed to say that I didn't make it to the gym at all this week. My excuse every day was the same, I didn't have any milk pumped and I wouldn't leave her with my mom without an emergency bottle. So, Monday morning first thing I did was pump a bottle, so now I have no excuse and yet I haven't made it....curious. We have gone every day for at least an hour long walk with Ellie in her sling which has been awesome. I especially like going for walks now because of the beautiful fall weather. Next week I'm definitely getting my membership though! 

Life Happenings:

Our evenings have been pretty laid back due to the fact that Elliotte is essentially attached to my body but we have managed to get out a bit. I pumped a bottle for her on her 6 week birthday so Ben and I managed to go on our first date sans baby. The date only lasted about 1 1/2 hours because she drank her bottle and was immediately hungry again, but it was just good to leave her and know that she was safe. I was surprised how safe I felt leaving her with my parents. I was also shocked at how much I missed the little one after only about an hour.

 In the evenings we like to go for walks, mostly because being in the Maya wrap is basically the only way that Ellie will sleep. I have loved having my Maya wrap, I'm not a big fan of strollers, I hate the idea of her being strapped down for so much time, and I love having her so close to my body when she's in the wrap, i can even nurse her while she's in there! I love looking down at her beautiful face and lightly patting her little bum as she gently sways back and forth along with my steps.

Ellie and I have continued to frequent the breastfeeding cafe here in the city and it's something that I look forward to each week. This week we talked about parenting, in specific, things that our parents did that we do and do not appreciate. It was good to actually think about things that that we would like to take from our parents parenting styles and things that we can learn from and do differently.

Weekly Highlight:
Honestly my highlight was probably waking up Saturday morning to a baby who was NOT crying and who appeared to have snapped out of her consistent crying. I was SOO worried that she had developed colic and to see that pass in only a couple days was such a relief. Getting my little girl to smile is probably my daily highlight. It's neat how the little things give me so much joy these days.

She melts my heart...

Little girl, big bed.

The Good Report Take 6

This past week has been the hardest since the babe was born so I guess that means it's time to remember what's good in life! 

• My favourite season of the year is just beginning!
• There is an end in sight regarding my dental problems.
• I get to sleep in my own bed again!
• Netflix has become our best friend, this is mainly due to how many hours a day I spend breastfeeding.
• Our vehicle that hasn't been working since winter is FIXED, and it was CHEEP.
• My parents are only a 20 minute walk from our house. 
• Elliotte will take a bottle, meaning DATE NIGHTS, here we come.
• So thankful for outings and friends so that I'm not at home all day every day. 
• My Maya wrap. Moose falls asleep in it the second I put her in it, this has definitely come in handy.
• My baby is growing slowly and surely, she is healthy.
• I'm still so incredibly thankful for the safe labour and delivery of Elliotte Rose.
• The love I have for my precious daughter. I was so worried that I wouldn't love her, boy was I in for a surprise. 
• Still so thankful for Ben's new job. He likes it so much more than his last.
• The maternity benefits of my country, I feel quite blessed to be able to stay at home for a full year while still getting paid.
• A roof over my head.
• We have so much more than we need, we are so blessed.

Every good and perfect gift is from above.

James 1:17a

Nicknames...

Ellie has been in our lives for 6 1/2 weeks and already we have nicknames coming out left, right and centre. I suppose it's only normal considering Ben and I have about 1000 nicknames for each other. I wanted to compile a list of all the names we have for her, if only to show how ridiculous we are. 

Elliotte AKA:

Elliotte Moose- This name comes from a song that I made up while changing her diaper, we sing it to her all the time. 

Moose/The Moose- Clearly a variation of the previous name.

Ellie- No explanation necessary.
Little E- She is little and her name starts with E (Clever, I know).
The Butt- This one doesn't come across as kind but I promise it's said with all the love in the world. Ben and I have called each other Bum and Butt for years, we even call Rose (the pug) The Butt when she's deserving of the name. I guess it was only fair that Elliotte gets to join in on the fun.

I'm sure the list will continue to grow as more names roll off our tongues. Poor little girl...hehe

Is She a good baby?

*WARNING RANT*

If I hear someone ask me one more time if Elliotte is a good baby I'm going to spit chips....I understand that people just want to know whether she's easy or not but it still rubs me the wrong way. Yes, Elliotte is a very good baby, she has been crying non-stop for the last 48 hours and doesn't nap for longer than 20 minutes at a time, but she is still a good baby. This thought that our babies are somehow better or worse depending on how much they sleep or how easy they are to deal with is ridiculous. My poor girl clearly is having some tummy issues and only has one way to communicate that. The next time you get painful gas I think I'll start calling you a bad person for being in pain... It breaks my heart every time she goes into one of her crying fits, not because she's bad, but because she's helpless. I have thanked God on more than one occasion that he gave me maternal instincts and unconditional love for her because hearing her sob is exhausting, having to constantly change what I'm doing in order to find the most comfortable position for her is draining. I can't say that I haven't cried, or that I haven't BEGGED her to just feel better but I'm not mad at her, I don't scold her or try to punish her for crying, I try to soothe her. Being a parent is difficult but even after only 6 weeks, I already know that it's the greatest thing I will ever do. For anyone who's asking, Elliotte is a very good baby.

6 Weeks.

6 weeks is a bit of a milestone. I can't believe my little moose is 6 weeks old today! We had our FINAL midwife appointment today and I was kind of sad to say goodbye. Now it's back to our regular doctor of whom I have nothing positive to say what-so-ever....hmm maybe it's time to find a new doctor...suggestions?

Last night Elliotte slept from 11PM-5:30AM! Our night was completely glorious! She also slept in her bassinet for most of that time, and believe me that is amazing! I think the key to our success was that when I woke up at 12:30 I fed her while she slept. It was amazing, she actually managed to eat in her sleep! I've read a little bit about 'dream feeding' and since I was awake and she (amazingly) wasn't, I thought it was worth a try. Anyways, the only hitch was that once she woke up at 5:30 she wanted to be up for the day. It took me a good 2 hours of playing and interacting with her before she would go back to sleep. Sometimes I feel a bit like a parental failure since we aren't into a routine yet at 6 weeks, but I'm hoping this is the start of something good. 

Elliotte's Size:

At Ellie's appointment today she weighed 9 pounds 10 ounces. She gained 4.5 ounces this week which is on the low end of normal. She is now measuring 22 3/4in long, and her head circumference is 37cm. As far as percentile's go she is in the 90th for length and the 25th for weight. She is one long skinny girl! Ben and I both have tall and skinny people in our families, so maybe Ellie will take after her aunt or great-grandpa instead of her short parents. 

Post-Pregnancy Me:

Well, today is the day. I'm planning on heading out to the gym later on tonight or possibly tomorrow morning depending on the extent of my laziness. I am SOOO ready to get in shape and I'm ready to start eating healthy. I've been having some pretty major dental issues in the last few months so eating has been next to impossible. I basically eat soft carbs when I do manage to eat and it has been seriously difficult. Hopefully this is all about to change as I've made an appointment for October 1st with my Uncle. I cannot wait to have these dental problems behind me, trust me having two teeth that CONSTANTLY cause pain is not fun. I've even given in on the odd occasion and taken a tylenol which is NOT something that I like to do. 

Life Happenings:

Life is great! Now that Elliotte seems to be sleeping better I feel like a new person. We have been trying to get out lots. We went to a group that meets here in Saskatoon called 'the breastfeeding cafe', the name is misleading seeing as we don't actually just sit around talking about breastfeeding. It's a nifty idea, every week there is a different topic and an expert on that topic comes in to present. It's a great place to discuss your questions and concerns, there are women of all different opinions and stances and it has really helped me in my quest for the type of mother I want to be. 

The past few weeks I've done quite a bit of research into attachment parenting and all that goes along with it. This is a type of parenting that has really appealed to me since it seems to focus so much on the bond between mother and baby. On the other hand I felt kind of like it would be impossible for me to live up to the standards that are set by this model of parenting, i.e. never putting your child down, co-sleeping, exclusively breastfeeding etc, etc, etc.... I want the option of putting Ellie down so that I can shower, I love sleeping with my baby but honestly I'm terrified of smushing her in my sleep, I want to be able to go on a date with Ben, which would require pumping etc, etc, etc... Anyways, as all of this was causing me to stress out I realized something. I don't HAVE to adhere to every 'rule' of attachment parenting to be a good parent who is attached to her child. I can pump a bottle for my baby, leave her with my parents for two hours and STILL be a good parent (actually this might actually help me be a BETTER parent). Realizing that there is no hard-set rules to parenting has really helped me relax.

  Ok, end rant.

Ellie is still quite the fuss-pott in the evenings which makes group gatherings kind of tricky. I'm hoping as the weeks progress she'll settle down a little as well as us becoming more in tune to what's bothering her. Usually it's just hunger and I'm assuming she's cluster feeding so that she can last those longer stretches at night, if that's it than bring it on! I welcome anything that helps her sleep longer at night.

Weekly Highlight:

This past Sunday a few of my dear friends threw Ellie and I a beautiful shower. It was Dr. Seuss themed and they went above and beyond in decorations, food and games. Elliotte got so many cute clothes and books, I can't wait to put her in them. The only downside is that we now have a room that is literally FILLED with things that I have to somehow organize, good thing I have a year at home to do it! 

Peeking in at Elliotte while she swings around in her sling.

Loving this girl's smile!

5 Weeks.

So sorry that our update is pretty late this week but better late than never, right?! As I sit here typing, Elliotte is eating away so I figure if I can master the art of typing while breastfeeding I may end up being WAY more diligent with posting.

These are glorious days! I feel like Elliotte and I are in a bit of a babymoon. This first month reminds me of what it was like falling in love with Ben, I never tire of staring at her, kissing her, holding her all day long and although she sometimes cries for no apparent reason I love her, I have never felt so 100% obsessed with someone (Ben is a close second). I just can't get over the fact that Ben and I made this little person. I grew her inside of me without even having to think about it! I never shared on the blog and it's just a little too personal to get into details here but she truly is a miracle baby in every sense of the word and I'm baffled at how she came to be. I thank God for her every day, she truly is a gift from him.

Elliotte's Size:
As of Monday (4 weeks 5 days old) Ellie weighed 9 pounds 5.5 ounces, up 7 ounces from the week before. I find it so crazy to think that some people actually give birth to babies already this size. She seems so big to me and I guess compared to her birth weight she is, even though compared to some she's still quite small.

Post-Pregnancy Me:
Well, only a few more days till I throw myself into getting on track with my health. I have been thinking about how I'd like to be eating now that I'm no longer pregnant and even though I don't have to watch my blood sugar as closely I do want to be very conscientious of what I eat since I'm breastfeeding. I also want to get in shape not to mention live a long healthy life...more on this later! As far as fitness goes I plan on getting a gym membership next Wednesday. We'll see how often i can get away, I'm really looking forward to just a couple hours here and there for exercise, it has been too long.

Life Happenings:
Elliotte and I have been getting out and about almost every day. I think it's important for me to get out of the house to keep me sane. I'm lucky that we have a girl who likes her carseat. In the evenings we like to stay home and relax mainly because evenings aren't so great for Ellie, she seems to just be fussy all evening and it's difficult to know what she needs, as soon as she starts to shriek we go through the checklist of what's bothering her and typically she just wants to be rocked.

Weekly Highlight:
Last Sunday my sister-in-law and a couple of my aunties threw Ellie and I a shower. It was so beautiful and we felt so incredibly loved and blessed by all the gifts. Elliotte has pretty much an entire room filled to the brim with clothes, books, blankets and stuffed animals. I'm really looking forward to when she's more interactive. I'm trying to remind myself to enjoy every minute of who she is right now. They really do grow up too fast.

A picture of my sleeping beauty.

And here is Elliotte wide eyed and staring. She's really becoming her own little person these days.

4 Weeks.

After 28 days of being a mom and I would say that we're starting to get into a routine. Spending my days with Elliotte is pretty great I would have to say, however there is one thing that has been kind of difficult, it appears that little Elliotte has a good ol' fashioned case of colic. For the last 2 weeks she's been really fussy and cranky from about midnight to 5AM. This is one thing that I wished she hadn't gotten from me (I was colicky for the first 4 months of my life) but I guess it's something that we will power through, it's just so hard to see her cry and cry without being able to do much to help her. 

In other more exciting news, Elliotte has a middle name and is officially registered as a Canadian citizen. Her name is..... Elliotte Rose Chamagne. We have liked Rose as a middle name since we picked her first name however since Rose is the name of our dog we didn't think we could subject our baby to the same name. After 4 weeks of trying to find another name we decided that Rose was the perfect fit and hey, the dog won't live forever!

In even more exciting news Elliotte smiled this last week! Her first official smile was when she was 3 weeks and 1 day old and it was at her dad. Her whole face lit up and since then we've gotten smiles from her on a regular basis, it's the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen! 

Updates Time:

Elliotte's Size:
Surprisingly, Elliotte only gained 4 ounces this week, weighing in at 8 pounds 14 ounce. It looks like she didn't have her growth spurt this week so I'm thinking she might have had it one week early which would explain the 10 ounce gain last week. I'm trying not to obsess over all these little things since there is such wide range of normal. I have to remind myself of this about 15 times a day.

Post-Pregnancy Symptoms:
I think this is my last week with this update since I don't really have any symptoms anymore. I went on a 1.5 hour walk the other day and was kind of sore after so I guess I'm either not fully healed or just really out of shape. Only 2 more weeks till I go back to the gym.

Life Happenings:
Elliotte and I have had lots of outings this last week. We have been going out for coffee, walks and shopping with friends. I'm trying to make sure we get out lots. The thought of spending all day every day at home alone scares me but I think I'm going to have to slow down a bit.

Weekly Highlight:
Ellie and I hung out with our friend Meagan this week. We put Ellie in her sling walked the bridges, she slept the whole walk despite the rain, it was absolutely perfect!


I love just sitting and staring at her while she sleeps, my little angel!

I bought the cutest baby book ever, I can't wait to fill it out.

One more for good measure.

3 Weeks.

Happy 3 Week Birthday Elliotte! 

Well, our little babe is 3 weeks old and still has no middle name... I'm starting to actually feel kind of anxious about the whole thing. By next week, if we haven't come up with one then the first person to suggest one can name her!

I can't believe how cute this little girl is getting, well I think so at least. She is such a good little baby and I can't believe how much I enjoy taking care of her. Before she was born I was so worried that I would hate being tied down by a baby but so far I feel privileged to be her mom, and although we have had moments where we have both been crying from frustration I can't imagine being anywhere else than with her, taking care of her every need. 

Now for the updates:

Ellie's Size:

So our little peanut isn't so little anymore. At 19 days old she was weighing 8lb's 10oz. She gained 10oz in a week. I had been kind of concerned that she was getting enough milk, apparently she is. At 3 weeks babies apparently hit a growth spurt so I'm excited to see what she'll weigh next week. A part of me wants her to grow and I'm excited for all her little developments and a part of me wants her to stay the same size she was when she was born.

Post-Pregnancy Symptoms:

Well, it's been 3 weeks and I'm feeling back to normal. I'm actually really looking forward to being able to exercise again. Elliotte and I like to go for walks but I'm really excited to get back into something more intense like weight training and running. 

Life Happenings:

I can't say life is terribly different from last week. One new development is that in the last 3 nights I haven't gotten any sleep before 5AM because Elliotte doesn't seem to want to sleep. It isn't too bad, it just means we sleep during the morning. She really is an amazing sleeper during the day, which makes being up all night not as bad. 

Weekly Highlight:

I started going to a mother and baby group this week. It was really nice to meet with other women who have similar things going on in their lives. I look forward to going every week, it's always nice to get out of the house for a few hours here and there.

And now for the best part...pictures! 

3 Weeks old.

She's getting so chubby and alert! 

2 Weeks

I can hardly believe that it's been 2 weeks since little Ellie was born. I have been amazed at how our life was transformed overnight. We went from only having to worry about ourselves to only caring about her, all in an instant. I care so much about her. I constantly wonder if she's comfortable, if she's getting enough milk, if she has gas, the list goes on...I can't believe the responsibility that was just handed to us  when she was born, it is our job to make sure she's safe, she is ours and honestly it kind of scares me. 

The first week was pretty easy actually. Ellie slept pretty much 20 hours a day and only woke up to eat. The second week has been a little harder. I developed a plugged duct which brought with it a fever and pretty much all other flu symptoms and to make matters worse Ellie was fussy and barely slept at all for two days. Luckily things seem to be getting better now. I feel 80% better and Ellie seems to be back to sleeping and is no longer in constant pain.  

Now for some updates:

Ellie's Size:

Ellie weighed 8lbs and 1/2oz at 12 days. It looks like she has gained exactly 1lb since birth! She is definitely filling out, I swear she grew a double chin over night. I suppose her constant eating is working.

Post-Pregnancy Symptoms:

Well, as much as I enjoyed being pregnant it sure feels good to NOT be pregnant. Every day I feel more like my old self. I was a little surprised that after giving birth your body is a bit of a mess. I don't know why I didn't expect it, but boy was I in for a treat...Luckily after 2 weeks I'm feeling more or less like my old self again.

Life Happenings:

Oh you know, feeding, changing diapers, burping, the occasional cat nap, eating when I remember to, and quite honestly not much more. 

Weekly Highlight:

Over the weekend we went up to Emma Lake with all of Ben's coworkers. I was really nervous about going with a week and a half old baby but my fear was all in vain because everything worked out great! Ellie did amazingly and it was really nice to make new friends not to mention not having to cook for 3 days.

Here's my little 2 week old.

Elliotte's Birth Story

I don't exactly know how this is going to go, the entire day is quite a blur in my mind. There are large chunks of the day that I don't remember at all so I may end up getting some help from Ben in remembering bits and pieces.  

Elliotte's Birth Day

 I woke up at 4:30 AM on August 8th to a painful contraction. It's funny how for so many weeks I had been wondering if every tightening of my belly was 'the real thing' and when 'the real thing' finally hit I just knew. After the first contraction I waited and sure enough ten minutes later I felt another one. I knew at this point that sleep was the most important thing to get so I tried going back to sleep. It became clear to me when seven minutes later another contraction hit that sleep wasn't going to be happening. I thought if I had a bath maybe it would slow the contractions down so that I could sleep some more, however, getting in the tub didn't slow anything down and I started having contractions every five minutes. As soon as I got out of the bath I knew that I should eat something, although I had no appetite whatsoever. I jumped in the car and drove to Tim Hortons where I picked up a bagel. It was super inconvenient that we had no food in the house but I knew I needed some complex carbs so I went anyways. 

Once I got home contractions were consistently three to five minutes apart and lasting 45 seconds, walking around was the best way to cope at this point. I pretty much paced and breathed for the next hour. At six Ben woke up and came out of the bedroom to see me pacing the living room. I told him that I thought this was 'it' but that he should go to work since I figured I could use some alone time and promised to text when I needed him to come home. 

Here are a series of the texts that we sent back and forth during the short 2 hours that Ben was at work. It didn't take me long to realize that I didn't want to be alone.

 At one point the contractions slowed to about 6 minutes apart and I thought I should walk the dog. Luckily, the next contraction ended up being pretty intense and I decided against it. This was the beginning of an increase in intensity.

At 8:30AM I told Ben that he needed to come home because I was needing him. That 40 minute drive for him to come home felt like forever. At this point I was coping with contractions by sitting on the exercise ball and leaning on the couch. I was already moaning through the pains and I realized that I wouldn't be the silent, graceful labouring woman that I had hoped I would be....

When Ben got home from work I set him to work right away putting the birth pool together. Once the pool was set up I figured it was time to call the doula to let her know that we would hopefully be needing her within the next hours. I called her and said that we would most likely want her to come around 11AM. After calling the doula we called the midwife who said she would be over in an hour. She came at 10:30AM and checked me. She wouldn't tell me how dilated I was but she said I was 100% effaced so I knew that my body had done SOMETHING in the last 6 hours. After some investigating I got the midwife to say that I wasn't in active labour yet (according to dilation, although according to the frequency of my contractions I was) and she left saying to call her when things kicked up a notch. 

Here is the last smiling picture of me pregnant. This was taken at about 9:30AM while Ben was setting up the pool. 

The next few hours Ben and I spent alone, he talked me through contractions, practiced his Norwegian lessons...(he's taking an online Norwegian course) and even slept for a bit while I sat, walked or did whatever it took to cope with the contractions. At one point we actually watched a stand up comedian on Netflix, I can't say that I paid much attention. I do remember feeling like by this point the contractions were pretty intense and they were definitely close together (2-3 minutes apart), little did I know how intense they were going to get.

At about 2PM I said that it was time to call our doula. I thought I was coping well, but I knew that things had kicked it up a notch and Ben was definitely more comfortable having someone else there. She got there half an hour later and the instant she walked into our house she came over to me and began breathing with me. When she got there I realized how poorly I had actually been coping and it was so helpful having someone there to help Ben know what to do. Breathing was something that I really needed help with during labour and from the moment she got there until our Ellie was born she breathed through every contraction with me, 'in through the nose out through the mouth', I probably heard those words over 300 times during the course of the day. It was SO hard to breath in, but breathing out felt amazing. After only a few minutes of being with us our doula realized that I wasn't coping very well in my current position and suggested labouring in the bathroom. We got upstairs and I sat backwards on the toilet leaning on a pillow. This was actually an extremely comfortable position. I had shooting pains down the sides of my legs during every contraction and the only way that I could handle it was having our doula apply pressure to the sides of my legs while Ben would push on my low back which was aching like crazy, then in between contractions one of them would stroke my upper back while the other stuck a straw of water or a Booster Juice in my mouth and demand that I drink. By this point I had lost any concept of time. I remember even asking what time it was and our doula saying that time didn't matter, I'm grateful now for that because if I had been counting the hours I would have gotten really discouraged.

At one point I got in the bathtub. It felt AMAZING. I wouldn't say that the water decreased my contraction pain at all, but being able to float really helped the pain in the sides of my legs and my low back. Eventually while in the tub I said that I wanted to call the midwife. Ben or the doula must have called her because I definitely didn't. The midwife that showed up was not my regular midwife as my primary midwife was with another patient and would be showing up a little later. I LOVED this midwife though. She came into the bathroom, explained everything she was doing really well and made me feel instantly comfortable around her even though I didn't know her. I asked her to check me and she said that I was 5 centimetres, close to 6. At this point I also demanded that Ben tell me the time, so I know that this was at 5PM. Now looking back I'm surprised that I wasn't more discouraged that after 12 hours of labour I was only half way there, but I wasn't. I hardly even thought about how much was left to go, I was just so amazed that my body had worked so hard and had gotten to 5 centimetres on it's own! At one point in the bath tub I projectile vomited my booster juice all over, REALLY classy! After this cute little episode it was advised that I get out of the tub. I wasn't super interested in remaining steeped in my own vomit anyways. 

I got out of the tub and if I remember correctly the birth pool was filled but the water was too warm so I had to manage some contractions on dry land. This was AWFUL. My primary midwife showed up at this point and yet I don't remember much of her. She would come check the baby's heart rate every 15 minutes or so and otherwise was sitting writing who knows what. Finally the pool was ready and I got to climb in. Once again I had NO concept of time so I can't tell you what time I got in or what time I got out. In my mind I was only in the tub for about 10 minutes but Ben assures me that it was a couple hours at least. It was while I was in the pool that I entered transition....Now for people who are not well versed in labour and the natural progression of things I will fill you in. Transition is by far the hardest part of labour. It spans the time that your cervix opens from 7 centimetres to 10 centimetres. In my case I was blessed with contractions one on top of another all through transition, just as a contraction would start to ease up another one would come. I dry heaved and my whole body shook through every contraction which makes trying to breath mighty hard. I BEGGED for an epidural, a c-section, and to be driven to the hospital. Let me just interject how impressed I am with Ben, even though I was thrashing about, he stayed right there with me holding a cold cloth on my neck and forehead, telling me how proud he was of me, and all while I behaved like a wild beast! 

During this horrible, horrible point I was checked a couple times and it seemed like there was a bit of cervix that just wouldn't open. I was feeling quite a bit of pressure with each contraction (a sign that I was ready to push) but unless I was fully dilated Elliotte would not be able to pass through.The midwife suggested getting out of the tub to try some different positions to help finish the process. I hated her for making me get out, but oh well, it had to be done. Eventually the midwife suggested she try to help me stretch the rest of the way. Now I'm sorry if this is too graphic but oh well, no one is making you read this! So during a contraction she reaches up and tries to manually stretch the cervix, she had to do this 4 or 5 times (ouch) and eventually it worked and I was ready to push out my baby! 

Since we were planning a water birth I hobbled back over to the pool and got in. What happened next is a blur. The midwife was checking Elliotte's heart rate during every contraction and after only a couple contractions it was obvious that she wasn't doing well. I was told to get out of the tub right then and I was moved over to the couch.  After 25 minutes of pushing the one midwife told the other to call the ambulance, Elliotte's heart rate was still not doing as well after contractions as it should and they were anticipating that I would be pushing for a while still. On the next contraction I used every ounce of strength that I had left and on Wednesday, August 8th at 11:24PM out she came! She came out with her little fist up by her head which is why her heart rate kept dropping. I ended up with a tiny tear and 2 stitches which was not bad at all. 

Elliotte was the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen. For the first 10 minutes of her life we just stared at her in awe. We didn't even look to see whether we had a girl or a boy. After the most amazing shower in the whole world I joined my new family and climbed into bed where we spent the next few hours finding out all we could about our little Ellie. She was 7 pounds 1/2 ounce and 20 inches long, absolutely perfect.

Giving birth was the hardest thing that I've ever done but it was so worth it! I can't believe how intense the contractions were and how strong a woman's body is. I just can't believe that she's here! 

Moments after she was born.

Ben holding his daughter for the first time.

A new family!

She was so alert and just stared at us with her beautiful big eyes.

My Girl Ellie...

 On August 8th one week ago today at 11:24PM this beautiful little girl made her entrance into the world and our lives. 

She weighed 7 pounds and 1/2 ounce and measured 20 inches long. 

Let me introduce you to Elliotte.  

Here is my Ellie, 1 week old!