Life of a 19 month old.

The other day I went back in the archives and read all about my pregnancy, birth and the first months of Elliotte's life. Something in me has been in the mood to reminisce I guess. I know that this is an exciting time as well but I have no way of looking back and seeing that because I don't document anything! So I figured, maybe it's time for an update!

Elliotte is almost 19 months old, YIKES! The older she gets the more I'm seeing that the baby stage is quickly vanishing and more importantly, that I'm thrilled to see it go. Oh at the time I did enjoy it, but now that Elliotte is a toddler I am obsessed with her, (ok, maybe I was then too...)  I just find her so much easier, I love not having to carry her everywhere, or spoon feed her, and the list goes on.... I'm also quite convinced that she's the smartest kid to ever exist but I'm told I'm biased. 

I think one of the main reasons that I love this age is that she can talk! If she wants a snack, she tells me, if she needs to poop, she tells me, the list goes on. She is quite the chatterbox, as I'm sure all 19 month olds are,  she likes to grab a diaper and pretend to put it on her doll as she talks to her soothingly, it's the cutest. She also talks A LOT about the twins. She is BABY CRAZY, she wakes up saying "baby, baby, Tali sad?, babiesssss". She's in a phase where she's very aware of sadness. Every time the babies cry she states, "babies sad", she loves to turn in her favourite book, Babar to the pages where Babar is crying and say, "Babar sad". I guess she's started to recognize sadness in herself so she can now see it in others, on that note...

TANTRUMS  A few months ago we entered tantrum land and there is no end in site. It's almost comical how when she decides to tantrum she just flops onto the ground like her bones just dissolved in her body. We're trying our best to just ignore them which seems to work. I'd say that if we ignore them, if she's not too tired she forgets she's mad within 2 minutes. I'm nervous for how I'll react when we're in public and she decides she's angry, it's bound to happen. 

Life is so good. There are many days where I think to myself that life really couldn't get any better. I know that's not actually true, but it's nice to know that I'm content where we are. I think for me, getting a full night's sleep has been key, along with exercise. The first half of this winter I was down in the dumps, worse than I've ever had it before, but just since the new year, life seems to be turning around. God is so good, and gracious!  

Date night's have been crucial!

Getting outside is always a treat for Ellie, she hates coming back in.

She LOVES going to the library!

This is a juice-stache from one of the juices I made, she thought it was pretty funny.

She's such a lounger.

The other day she was on Ben's shoulders and she just started to massage his scalp on her own, hilarious!

  

Granting yourself grace.

It's 7AM and I'm wide awake, this is rare, typically at this time you would find me groggily trying to get back to sleep, groggily feeding a baby, or on a good night actually asleep. Last night Ben and I went out with another couple to dinner and a movie and Ellie was at my parents place. I think she was away from me for longer than ever before, 4.5 hours. Anyways, we got home at around 10:30 put Elliotte promptly to bed and quickly followed suit ourselves and were asleep within minutes.

Fast forward....I woke up to surprisingly NOT a baby crying, I looked around for my cell to check the time assuming it was probably midnight. Imagine my surprise when my phone read 5:30! I had just been granted roughly 7 hours of sleep IN A ROW!!! I was in quite a lot of pain since I hadn't fed Ellie in so long so I was getting up to go pump when I heard a beautiful little stirring from the other room, perfect timing my girl! She ate like nobody's business and then conked out again. I didn't rush to put her down and spent the next few minutes stroking her cheek, tracing her ears with my finger, holding her close revelling in the beauty of my girl. It's an amazing feeling, feeding my baby when I'm not teetering on unconsciousness. Now I'm wide awake and feel more rested than ever, it's amazing what a few hours of uninterrupted sleep can do!

I tell you this story not to brag but to point out the need to grant ourselves grace. I have a tendency to feel guilty about most of what I do, or don't do. Only now, feeling rested do I know how much of a fog I have been living in. Ellie has been waking up on average 6-9 times a night, I didn't realize how hard that has been on me. It's rare that I get much more than laundry and cooking done in a day and I have been feeling horrible about it, like a failure as a mother and wife. Whether we have children or not, there are areas in our lives where we don't get enough rest, it may be physical sleep, or that we overwork ourselves, or even just our mental capability of making ourselves feel so incredibly small. Whatever it is, let us not beat ourselves up about the things we DON'T do 'right' and instead realize that we are human, we can't do everything. The important thing is to give ourselves some grace,  and pray that a good night's rest is right around the corner.

Now, how about some photos?!

This girl LOOOVES bathes, pardon the blurriness. 

Taken on her half birthday.

She is trying to crawl SOOO hard, I don't think it will be too too long before she figures it out.

This girl is SOOOO independent, every time you come at her with a spoon she tries with all of her might to snatch the spoon and do it herself, creating an epic mess...every time.

Pug and baby, BFFs.

Profound, I know.

So everything I have to say today is going to come out sounding like a cliché but even though you hear things over and over, when they pertain to you somehow it seems so profound, ya know? Tonight as Ellie was in her bath I was struck by how amazing life is (profound, I know). From the moment we are conceived we begin to change. The first while it's mostly development as far as size and growing organs etc, etc, then once we are born we begin to learn the 'ways of life' mighty quickly, we continue to grow in size but all of a sudden we are becoming smart.... For instance, for the past couple weeks Elliotte has been able to sit on her own in the bath and consequentially has discovered splashing. The incredible pride I feel when I watch her entire face light up as her brain makes the connection between the cause and effect of hitting the water with her hands is kind of ridiculous... I am blown away at the amazing learning curve of a 5 1/2 month old. Every day she seems to find something else in this world that she wants to learn and she does it. Lately I've been watching as she scooches backwards, or how she will stand FOREVER, giggling and squealing while she holds on to the coffee table, or how she likes to grab the dogs tail and stick it in her mouth... Her eyes are always so interested in the world around her and I love to watch as I see understanding hit her face. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can't believe how amazing it is that something can start out as an egg and a sperm and somehow becomes a person, a completely unique, beautiful, lovely person (profound, I know!).

5 Month Update

Elliotte's Size:

My little girl was weighed this morning and was a whopping 13 pounds 1.5 ounces... We have visited  a lactation consultant because I was concerned that Elliotte has not been gaining enough weight and I feel so much better now. I have been really concerned about her getting enough milk and it was nice to have been given some tools to help increase my supply. The lactation consultant told me that since Elliotte is happy, wets enough diapers and is super active I should not supplement with formula, or begin solids and not to go on any drugs to increase my supply (for now), but instead to take the next two weeks to try to work on my supply and only then if her weight is still not increasing enough to visit a doctor. I was worried that I would be told to instantly go out and buy formula and give up breastfeeding altogether, it was such a relief to see a professional who was not overly concerned. I suppose in two weeks if she has not gained we will be forced to take some action.

Developments:

This child is sitting like a boss! She is perfectly stable now and loves to sit and look at the world around her. She also has taken more of an interest in toys and likes to grab and shake and stick everything in her mouth.

She has started somewhat crawling backwards and I don't think it will be too long before she's a crawling machine. It's cute, if I put her on her tummy and stick a toy in front of her she will try SOO hard to get to it and usually ends up scooting herself backwards. 

I now know why Ellie has been drooling a ridiculous amount and can't keep things out of her mouth for a second....TEETH! Sure enough Elliotte has two teeth ready to pop out the front bottom of her mouth. You can see them and all that stands between the fresh air and those two pearly whites is a thin layer of skin.

Tidbits:

• Sleeping has been 100% better. Elliotte is slowly transitioning to a 7:00PM bedtime and will usually only get up 3 or so times to eat before getting up for the day at 7:00AM and luckily at least one those times is while I'm still awake. I could totally get used to only getting up 2-3 times a night. 
• Ellie has this incredibly high-pitched screech that she likes to use to show us that she's happy, I'm convinced it's the cutest thing in the entire universe. 
• Pretty much all of Elliotte's hair fell when she was a month old or so and it's finally starting to grow back.
• Elliotte eye colour keeps changing but I think she's going to end up with hazel eyes, time will tell.
• I have been teaching Elliotte some signs and I'm almost certain that she now can sign 'milk' to me!

I'm so amazed at my girl, she blows me away with all the ways in which she is developing and all on her own volition! I can't wait for what's next.

Got my hair done this week, it was LONG overdue. My babysitting situation fell through so I got to bring Elliotte with me. 

Picture taken on her 5 month birthday.

Sleeping beauty

My regal beauty of the pug variety!

4 Month Update....

Our girl is now over 4 months old and it's incredible how much she has changed since her arrival. I enjoy my days with her so much, I truly couldn't have known that motherhood would be so totally amazing!

Elliotte's Size:

My girl is still pretty little. At her appointment this week she weighed 12 pounds 6 ounces which puts her in the 15th percentile, such a little girl. The pediatrician has been watching her weight gain because it has been so slow but as of this week she said she has no concerns about her. She's happy, and growing (although not quickly), ACTIVE, and demanding. The doc mentioned that since she is so active she is most likely just not able to keep weight on, I wish I had the same problem...

Everything was put into perspective this week when we visited 2 brand new babies, fresh out of the  NICU (both premies), they are SO LITTLE, which makes Elliotte look HUGE!

Developments:

Well this girl just does not stay still! On Friday November 23rd, Elliotte rolled from belly to back. I thought it was strange how long it took her considering she rolled the other way at 2 months. Now tummy time is basically a joke since she INSTANTLY rolls over the second I place her on her stomach.

We got Elliotte a Jolly Jumper and she LOVES it. She loves to just hop around and usually lasts about 15 minutes before she loses interest. It has allowed me to be able to actually get some things done around the house.

This girl is always wanting to know what's going on in the world. Ever since she was about a month old she has wanted to be held facing outward. She is always looking around staring at everyone and everything. Ben gets frustrated because she really won't snuggle anymore. The only time she lets you hold her close it to nurse and even then she's flailing her arms and legs about. I'm downright petrified for how she's going to be once she starts walking.....

Ellie is almost sitting. She will sit for about 10-15 seconds before she wavers and topples over. I don't think it will be too many months before she is a good little sitter. 

Well, I have now kissed any good night rest goodbye...Ellie seems to have regressed. She wakes up every 1.5 hours and will just cry, sometimes I'll feed her to sleep and then the second I place her in the bassinet she starts to wail. Last night I ended up just sleeping in the bed in her room with her next to me since I could not get her to sleep on her own. I'm very perplexed as to whats going on. She went from 9 hour stretches to this. Does anyone have any advice or ideas as to what I can do? I'm starting to feel like a zombie, not to mention a bad mother....

In more fun news...Elliotte has now discovered Rose the Pug. She will look at her and just laugh as Rose runs circles around her. Now that she's reaching for things if Rose is within reaching distance Elliotte just grabs for whatever she can grasp. Luckily, Rose the Pug is easy going and doesn't get angry when she has her eyeballs fondled. 

Interesting Tidbits:

• We went to 'Movies for Mommy' at the theatre last week, which is nice in the sense that we got out, but once there I realized that it isn't for us. First of all the movie that was showing was pretty violent which doesn't make sense to me seeing as there are kids there... and secondly, Elliotte wanted to stand, squirm, laugh, squeal and bounce all over the place for the entirety of the movie... yes, I was 'that mom', you know, the one that can't control her baby. 
• Now that Ellie isn't sleeping so much at night she seems to be having better naps and I'm loving having a little more time to get things done. I've noticed that she doesn't nap if we are out and about so I have been trying to stay home more during the days and it is LOVELY. (I also like the idea of staying out of the Christmas hustle and bustle, it is a well known fact that I don't like Christmas, maybe I'll go into why in a later post) 
• We are hosting 2 parties this weekend and my house is a DISASTER, hopefully Ellie will sleep for me today so that I can get ready.
• Ellie is at an awkward stage where she is too long for a lot of her 0-3 month clothes but is wayyy to skinny to fit into her 3-6 month stuff. Her clothes either look nice and fitted with her limbs just too long, or they fit in length and she is swallowed by the width of them. 

I know it's soooo cliche but I just can't believe how fast time is going! My girl is most definitely out of the newborn stage and literally bouncing into babyhood. Next stop, toddlerhood! I just want my days to slow down and my baby to stay the same for just a WEEK... The good news is that with every phase comes amazing growth and development- there is ALWAYS something fun and new. 

She has found her feet and it's impossible to keep them out of her mouth.

Chillin' out in her Jolly Jumper

Found a rare moment of her happy on her tummy

Carseat smiles!

This is her 'I'm ready for a nap' face.

Of course we need a picture of Rose the Pug!

And we can't forget the people who are usually behind the camera. My parents took Ellie while Ben and I made a quick dash to Costco the other night, it's  funny how even just grocery shopping can feel like a date now.

It all started 1 year ago...

Hands sweaty, heart pounding, stomach tied up in knots. I couldn't sleep, so I got up and drove over to Shoppers Drug Mart. The roads were empty, no one was up at 5:00AM. I quietly walked up to the counter with a two pack, I needed double the confirmation. I took both tests thinking that they might tell me that the one I had taken the night before had been an error, after all, the instructions say to use the first morning stream....I had used the last evening stream... But there was no mistake...we were having a baby!

I waited until 8:00AM, literally watching the clock turn from 7:59 to 8:00. I had the number dialled, I pushed CALL, no one answered the first time, I guess being open from 8:00-4:00 actually meant 8:10-4:00. I called back ten minutes later, I told the receptionist that I needed a midwife. For some reason I was shocked when she didn't schedule me an appointment right then and there, she told me that the midwives are swamped and I'd be lucky if I was chosen as a patient, but to wait and see, perhaps I would be one of the lucky ones. 

I went to work. Ben and I texted back and forth about our secret, discussing who we wanted to let in and who we wanted to wait to tell. That night we told my parents, they both cried, this was the first grandchild for them and they couldn't have been happier. We told Ben's mom the next day, she screamed, we were at a restaurant. We told our siblings and decided to keep everyone else in the dark. We wanted to keep our secret for a little while. We waited for February to tell our friends. 

Christmas came and went, we celebrated New Years, moved out of our apartment, settled into our new home and then one day early January I got a call from the midwives, we had been accepted! I finally was able to get excited about planning a home birth. I started researching, reread all my birth books, watched birth videos,  I filled my mind with anything birth related. I tried to keep any thoughts of fear at bay.

Pregnancy flew by. I didn't want it to end. I will always remember how it felt the first time I felt Elliotte wiggle inside me.  I was massaging a client's neck and all of a sudden right below my belly button I felt a twinge. I was 20 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Week by week my body changed. Elliotte grew and developed, the twinges became kicks, the kicks became strong and were visible from the outside, one change blended into the next as our baby grew. I began my maternity leave at 37 weeks pregnant and the three weeks that I spent at home waiting for Ellie will always be a precious memory for me, we walked, we napped, we installed the car seat, went to birth classes, picked up last minute supplies for the birth,  debated name choices and walked some more. 

My due date came and went like any other Sunday. Monday passed and Elliotte didn't move, I kept waiting and waiting to feel her beautiful movements and it never happened. 11:00PM rolled around and I was worried. We called our midwife, she said to go to the hospital. We got to emergency, I was ushered to the front of the line, I guess they all thought I was in labour. We got up into assessments where our midwife met us. She hooked me up to the monitors and we heard the most beautiful sound in the world,  the strong galloping of Elliotte's heartbeat. The midwife sent us home saying that she thought we needed to get some rest since I was in early labour. 

We went to bed and I woke up the next morning feeling better than ever and I was frustrated... why was I not in labour? I was crampy and didn't feel great but not like I thought labour would be. We went to bed Tuesday night annoyed, and then it happened...

...I woke up early Wednesday morning and knew that it was the day. Everything tightened, everything ached, and I was so excited. Now, 3 months later, the memories are hazy. I want to remember every minute, I want to remember every sensation, every thought, but I don't. I remember bits and pieces, I remember watching a comedian and wanting him to just shut up. I remember seeing Ben set up the birth pool and feeling so proud of him. I remember Sharon, our doula, praying for me in her sweet, calm, motherly voice. I remember hating the birth ball and loving the tub. I remember being forced to drink booster juice in between contractions. I remember feeling so proud of my body. I remember seeing one of the midwives sleeping on the couch and feeling bad for all the noise but not being able to control it. I remember the shocking feeling of my water breaking and the intense change in contractions after. I remember the determination I felt when told I had to get out of the pool. I remember pushing whether I felt a contraction or not. I remember the sense of panic when the midwife said to call the ambulance, the pure adrenaline that took over to get Ellie out in that moment, and the relief that flooded me when the midwife calmly said, "never mind, baby is coming". I will never forget the moment that I cried out, "Oh my God, he's here! Thank you God!" I will never forget the love that washed over my little family those first few moments, when no one around us mattered, when the midwives silently checked over my beautiful baby and confirmed that she was perfect, and in fact a girl. I remember being fed apples and crackers and not wanting to eat but realizing how delicious food actually was. I will always remember crawling into bed with my husband and baby, everyone snuggled in, having totally forgotten to call and tell anyone about the life-changing day we had just had, pure bliss.

 

We spent the first week pretty much snuggled up on the couch while friends and family came and went. When Elliotte was 3 days old we walked over to my parents so that she could meet Rose. When she was 5 days old we went to Costco. When she was 8 days we went to Emma lake. The first six weeks was a love filled blur. 

As time has gone on we have gotten to know our little beauty. Elliotte is almost 4 months old, she has a personality, she is an active, determined, smiley, demanding, fast eating, explosive pooping, beautiful little girl.

In the past year I have gone from shock to fear to doubt to nervous excitement to genuine excitement to intense pain to being overcome by the fiercest of loves and that's where I'm stuck...I hope that never changes. 

2 Month Update... 2 weeks late.

Elliotte is now over 2 months old. I can't believe it! She is such a precious little girl. Every day she is changing and growing and I feel so blessed to be able to be here for every little development.

Elliotte's Size:
Well, my little girl is still pretty little. We had an appointment with the pediatrician last week and Ellie weighed in at 10 lbs, 7oz.  Her length was 22 1/2 inches which was actually shorter than she was a few weeks prior at her final midwife appointment so I'm assuming someone measured her wrong. The pediatrician had no concerns about her size so I'm just going to enjoy her skinny little legs while I can.
However, the original reason we went to the pediatrician was due to the fact that Ellie has a dark red area on the bottom corner of her lip. I had no concerns about it, but after having my Uncle (a pediatrician) take a look at her we decided to get it checked out. She may need treatment for it but at this stage we're just waiting to get in to see a dermatologist before deciding anything.

Developments:
On Monday, October 8th Elliotte rolled over. We were at my cousins house enjoying Thanksgiving dinner with the extended family, Ellie and her second cousin were lying on the floor playing. All of a sudden Ellie just flipped right over from her back to her stomach. I assumed it was just a fluke since she's still so young but since then she's been doing it with increasing frequency. She's already done it 4 times today. It's quite exciting to watch her, she can get about 3/4 over no problem and then she get's stuck on her arm, she grunts with frustration for about 5 minutes before she works up the strength to get completely over. I think I have a tenacious little girl on my hands. She still shows no signs of wanting to roll from stomach to back.

She's now cooing and laughing up a storm. It's so fun to play with her now that she likes to interact more and more. She likes to imitate the sounds and faces that we make. It's a hoot.

A List of interesting tidbits:

• We have been trying to get out lots to avoid cabin fever.
• Sometimes when Ellie is having a particularly long nap I put my finger under her nose to make sure she's still breathing.
• While we are on the topic of sleeping, we are actually getting a reasonable amount of it these days.
• Elliotte seems to have decided that she won't take a bottle any more...rats...
• I cried when Moose rolled over. I'm quite the suck...
• It feels like fall is already over and winter is here, boo.
• Ben and I had a fantastic date night sans baby this past week. 
• There is nothing more precious then my little girls coo's, smiles and giggles.
• This parenting thing is harder than I ever imagined, but I wouldn't trade it for the world! 

T.T.F.N...Ta ta for now

Well, it appears that summer is on it's way out. I'm actually not sad to see summer go. I don't hate summer, I enjoy the sun and heat to an extent but autumn is by far my favourite season. I love the changing colours, the way the chilly air turns your cheeks red, The way you're always a little cool unless you're sitting in the sun. Going for walks are the absolute BEST at this time of year and I'm really looking forward to how many we can squeeze in before the snow starts to fall.

I don't know if there are statistics to back this up but it definitely feels like fall is the shortest of the seasons. I know technically speaking all seasons are the same length, however weather wise this sure isn't the case. Here in Saskatchewan, winter is typically the longest, spring maybe the second longest, summer unpredictable and fall lasts maybe a month and a half, enjoy it while it lasts!

Today we enjoyed the afternoon in the park by the river. We had blankets to sit on, music to listen to, a volleyball and frisbee to throw around and friends to share it all with. It was perfect. The sun was shining and yet there was a beautiful breeze to keep things cool.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel like the worst mother in the world. I feel like no matter how much research I do, I still make the wrong decision. I question everything I do, do I hold her enough, does she get enough tummy time, is she lying on her back to much, is she in her car seat for too many hours a day, am I changing her diaper often enough, am I too uptight, am I too laid back....blah...blah...blah. It's all a bunch of useless gibberish. I know in my head that all of this worrying is a waste of time and I know that no one is perfect, it's just that I feel like I'm working on the most important assignment that I will ever do and I really want to do well. How's that for vulnerability. 

7 Weeks

Boy am I glad to leave the last week behind. If Ellie wasn't eating, she was crying, luckily this phase only lasted 48 hours. In retrospect I think it's pretty obvious that is was a growth spurt, but boy was that a long 2 days. I now have a lot of sympathy for parents who deal with colicky babies. 

I feel as if we are sliding into a bit of a routine now, although it's definitely not one that I would have designed had I been in charge. Elliotte for the last 4 days has been very alert and awake from about 5:30PM to 1:00AM only sleeping for about 15 minute intervals every 3 hours or so. During this time she likes to eat every 1/2 hour. From 1:00AM to 6:30AM she sleeps like a baby (woohoo!). From 6:30AM to 5:30PM she follows the pattern of eating, then is awake and playful for maybe 1/2 hour then back to sleeps for 3 hours then repeat. This seems to be pretty consistent and to be honest I don't hate it. This pattern allows me to get a lot done during the day and I'm sort of getting used to staying awake till 1:00AM. I'd say the only downside is that when Ben get's home we don't get much time to relax together since this is the time when Ellie is the highest maintenance. Ideally I'd like it if she went down for the night at 8:00ish and then I would just get up and feed her a couple times during the night, but at this stage she calls the shots.

Update Time:

Elliotte's Size:

I feel sort of lost since little E didn't have an appointment this week. I know she's growing though because she is now fitting a few of her 0-3 month onesies and even a couple of the 3 month sleepers. She isn't really filling any of her clothes out widthwise but lengthwise she sure is. I'm excited to see her weight and length in a couple weeks when she'll be 2 months old. 

Post-Pregnancy Me:

Well I'm ashamed to say that I didn't make it to the gym at all this week. My excuse every day was the same, I didn't have any milk pumped and I wouldn't leave her with my mom without an emergency bottle. So, Monday morning first thing I did was pump a bottle, so now I have no excuse and yet I haven't made it....curious. We have gone every day for at least an hour long walk with Ellie in her sling which has been awesome. I especially like going for walks now because of the beautiful fall weather. Next week I'm definitely getting my membership though! 

Life Happenings:

Our evenings have been pretty laid back due to the fact that Elliotte is essentially attached to my body but we have managed to get out a bit. I pumped a bottle for her on her 6 week birthday so Ben and I managed to go on our first date sans baby. The date only lasted about 1 1/2 hours because she drank her bottle and was immediately hungry again, but it was just good to leave her and know that she was safe. I was surprised how safe I felt leaving her with my parents. I was also shocked at how much I missed the little one after only about an hour.

 In the evenings we like to go for walks, mostly because being in the Maya wrap is basically the only way that Ellie will sleep. I have loved having my Maya wrap, I'm not a big fan of strollers, I hate the idea of her being strapped down for so much time, and I love having her so close to my body when she's in the wrap, i can even nurse her while she's in there! I love looking down at her beautiful face and lightly patting her little bum as she gently sways back and forth along with my steps.

Ellie and I have continued to frequent the breastfeeding cafe here in the city and it's something that I look forward to each week. This week we talked about parenting, in specific, things that our parents did that we do and do not appreciate. It was good to actually think about things that that we would like to take from our parents parenting styles and things that we can learn from and do differently.

Weekly Highlight:
Honestly my highlight was probably waking up Saturday morning to a baby who was NOT crying and who appeared to have snapped out of her consistent crying. I was SOO worried that she had developed colic and to see that pass in only a couple days was such a relief. Getting my little girl to smile is probably my daily highlight. It's neat how the little things give me so much joy these days.

She melts my heart...

Little girl, big bed.

The Good Report Take 6

This past week has been the hardest since the babe was born so I guess that means it's time to remember what's good in life! 

• My favourite season of the year is just beginning!
• There is an end in sight regarding my dental problems.
• I get to sleep in my own bed again!
• Netflix has become our best friend, this is mainly due to how many hours a day I spend breastfeeding.
• Our vehicle that hasn't been working since winter is FIXED, and it was CHEEP.
• My parents are only a 20 minute walk from our house. 
• Elliotte will take a bottle, meaning DATE NIGHTS, here we come.
• So thankful for outings and friends so that I'm not at home all day every day. 
• My Maya wrap. Moose falls asleep in it the second I put her in it, this has definitely come in handy.
• My baby is growing slowly and surely, she is healthy.
• I'm still so incredibly thankful for the safe labour and delivery of Elliotte Rose.
• The love I have for my precious daughter. I was so worried that I wouldn't love her, boy was I in for a surprise. 
• Still so thankful for Ben's new job. He likes it so much more than his last.
• The maternity benefits of my country, I feel quite blessed to be able to stay at home for a full year while still getting paid.
• A roof over my head.
• We have so much more than we need, we are so blessed.

Every good and perfect gift is from above.

James 1:17a

Nicknames...

Ellie has been in our lives for 6 1/2 weeks and already we have nicknames coming out left, right and centre. I suppose it's only normal considering Ben and I have about 1000 nicknames for each other. I wanted to compile a list of all the names we have for her, if only to show how ridiculous we are. 

Elliotte AKA:

Elliotte Moose- This name comes from a song that I made up while changing her diaper, we sing it to her all the time. 

Moose/The Moose- Clearly a variation of the previous name.

Ellie- No explanation necessary.
Little E- She is little and her name starts with E (Clever, I know).
The Butt- This one doesn't come across as kind but I promise it's said with all the love in the world. Ben and I have called each other Bum and Butt for years, we even call Rose (the pug) The Butt when she's deserving of the name. I guess it was only fair that Elliotte gets to join in on the fun.

I'm sure the list will continue to grow as more names roll off our tongues. Poor little girl...hehe

Is She a good baby?

*WARNING RANT*

If I hear someone ask me one more time if Elliotte is a good baby I'm going to spit chips....I understand that people just want to know whether she's easy or not but it still rubs me the wrong way. Yes, Elliotte is a very good baby, she has been crying non-stop for the last 48 hours and doesn't nap for longer than 20 minutes at a time, but she is still a good baby. This thought that our babies are somehow better or worse depending on how much they sleep or how easy they are to deal with is ridiculous. My poor girl clearly is having some tummy issues and only has one way to communicate that. The next time you get painful gas I think I'll start calling you a bad person for being in pain... It breaks my heart every time she goes into one of her crying fits, not because she's bad, but because she's helpless. I have thanked God on more than one occasion that he gave me maternal instincts and unconditional love for her because hearing her sob is exhausting, having to constantly change what I'm doing in order to find the most comfortable position for her is draining. I can't say that I haven't cried, or that I haven't BEGGED her to just feel better but I'm not mad at her, I don't scold her or try to punish her for crying, I try to soothe her. Being a parent is difficult but even after only 6 weeks, I already know that it's the greatest thing I will ever do. For anyone who's asking, Elliotte is a very good baby.

6 Weeks.

6 weeks is a bit of a milestone. I can't believe my little moose is 6 weeks old today! We had our FINAL midwife appointment today and I was kind of sad to say goodbye. Now it's back to our regular doctor of whom I have nothing positive to say what-so-ever....hmm maybe it's time to find a new doctor...suggestions?

Last night Elliotte slept from 11PM-5:30AM! Our night was completely glorious! She also slept in her bassinet for most of that time, and believe me that is amazing! I think the key to our success was that when I woke up at 12:30 I fed her while she slept. It was amazing, she actually managed to eat in her sleep! I've read a little bit about 'dream feeding' and since I was awake and she (amazingly) wasn't, I thought it was worth a try. Anyways, the only hitch was that once she woke up at 5:30 she wanted to be up for the day. It took me a good 2 hours of playing and interacting with her before she would go back to sleep. Sometimes I feel a bit like a parental failure since we aren't into a routine yet at 6 weeks, but I'm hoping this is the start of something good. 

Elliotte's Size:

At Ellie's appointment today she weighed 9 pounds 10 ounces. She gained 4.5 ounces this week which is on the low end of normal. She is now measuring 22 3/4in long, and her head circumference is 37cm. As far as percentile's go she is in the 90th for length and the 25th for weight. She is one long skinny girl! Ben and I both have tall and skinny people in our families, so maybe Ellie will take after her aunt or great-grandpa instead of her short parents. 

Post-Pregnancy Me:

Well, today is the day. I'm planning on heading out to the gym later on tonight or possibly tomorrow morning depending on the extent of my laziness. I am SOOO ready to get in shape and I'm ready to start eating healthy. I've been having some pretty major dental issues in the last few months so eating has been next to impossible. I basically eat soft carbs when I do manage to eat and it has been seriously difficult. Hopefully this is all about to change as I've made an appointment for October 1st with my Uncle. I cannot wait to have these dental problems behind me, trust me having two teeth that CONSTANTLY cause pain is not fun. I've even given in on the odd occasion and taken a tylenol which is NOT something that I like to do. 

Life Happenings:

Life is great! Now that Elliotte seems to be sleeping better I feel like a new person. We have been trying to get out lots. We went to a group that meets here in Saskatoon called 'the breastfeeding cafe', the name is misleading seeing as we don't actually just sit around talking about breastfeeding. It's a nifty idea, every week there is a different topic and an expert on that topic comes in to present. It's a great place to discuss your questions and concerns, there are women of all different opinions and stances and it has really helped me in my quest for the type of mother I want to be. 

The past few weeks I've done quite a bit of research into attachment parenting and all that goes along with it. This is a type of parenting that has really appealed to me since it seems to focus so much on the bond between mother and baby. On the other hand I felt kind of like it would be impossible for me to live up to the standards that are set by this model of parenting, i.e. never putting your child down, co-sleeping, exclusively breastfeeding etc, etc, etc.... I want the option of putting Ellie down so that I can shower, I love sleeping with my baby but honestly I'm terrified of smushing her in my sleep, I want to be able to go on a date with Ben, which would require pumping etc, etc, etc... Anyways, as all of this was causing me to stress out I realized something. I don't HAVE to adhere to every 'rule' of attachment parenting to be a good parent who is attached to her child. I can pump a bottle for my baby, leave her with my parents for two hours and STILL be a good parent (actually this might actually help me be a BETTER parent). Realizing that there is no hard-set rules to parenting has really helped me relax.

  Ok, end rant.

Ellie is still quite the fuss-pott in the evenings which makes group gatherings kind of tricky. I'm hoping as the weeks progress she'll settle down a little as well as us becoming more in tune to what's bothering her. Usually it's just hunger and I'm assuming she's cluster feeding so that she can last those longer stretches at night, if that's it than bring it on! I welcome anything that helps her sleep longer at night.

Weekly Highlight:

This past Sunday a few of my dear friends threw Ellie and I a beautiful shower. It was Dr. Seuss themed and they went above and beyond in decorations, food and games. Elliotte got so many cute clothes and books, I can't wait to put her in them. The only downside is that we now have a room that is literally FILLED with things that I have to somehow organize, good thing I have a year at home to do it! 

Peeking in at Elliotte while she swings around in her sling.

Loving this girl's smile!

5 Weeks.

So sorry that our update is pretty late this week but better late than never, right?! As I sit here typing, Elliotte is eating away so I figure if I can master the art of typing while breastfeeding I may end up being WAY more diligent with posting.

These are glorious days! I feel like Elliotte and I are in a bit of a babymoon. This first month reminds me of what it was like falling in love with Ben, I never tire of staring at her, kissing her, holding her all day long and although she sometimes cries for no apparent reason I love her, I have never felt so 100% obsessed with someone (Ben is a close second). I just can't get over the fact that Ben and I made this little person. I grew her inside of me without even having to think about it! I never shared on the blog and it's just a little too personal to get into details here but she truly is a miracle baby in every sense of the word and I'm baffled at how she came to be. I thank God for her every day, she truly is a gift from him.

Elliotte's Size:
As of Monday (4 weeks 5 days old) Ellie weighed 9 pounds 5.5 ounces, up 7 ounces from the week before. I find it so crazy to think that some people actually give birth to babies already this size. She seems so big to me and I guess compared to her birth weight she is, even though compared to some she's still quite small.

Post-Pregnancy Me:
Well, only a few more days till I throw myself into getting on track with my health. I have been thinking about how I'd like to be eating now that I'm no longer pregnant and even though I don't have to watch my blood sugar as closely I do want to be very conscientious of what I eat since I'm breastfeeding. I also want to get in shape not to mention live a long healthy life...more on this later! As far as fitness goes I plan on getting a gym membership next Wednesday. We'll see how often i can get away, I'm really looking forward to just a couple hours here and there for exercise, it has been too long.

Life Happenings:
Elliotte and I have been getting out and about almost every day. I think it's important for me to get out of the house to keep me sane. I'm lucky that we have a girl who likes her carseat. In the evenings we like to stay home and relax mainly because evenings aren't so great for Ellie, she seems to just be fussy all evening and it's difficult to know what she needs, as soon as she starts to shriek we go through the checklist of what's bothering her and typically she just wants to be rocked.

Weekly Highlight:
Last Sunday my sister-in-law and a couple of my aunties threw Ellie and I a shower. It was so beautiful and we felt so incredibly loved and blessed by all the gifts. Elliotte has pretty much an entire room filled to the brim with clothes, books, blankets and stuffed animals. I'm really looking forward to when she's more interactive. I'm trying to remind myself to enjoy every minute of who she is right now. They really do grow up too fast.

A picture of my sleeping beauty.

And here is Elliotte wide eyed and staring. She's really becoming her own little person these days.