Purging...

So, we are in the throes of moving....

 I guess the only time I blog is when I should be doing something else, like pack up our gazillion boxes of things to be moved. This afternoon my parents took Elliotte which allowed Ben and I to spend a good chunk of time going through all of our things, it was wonderful. We filled two GIANT garbage bags of clothes to be donated and another couple bags of things to be thrown out. I'm really looking forward to seeing my new wardrobe when we get established in the new house. I LOVE getting rid of clutter not that you'd know it....but I really do. It feels so good when you get in that mood and just start tossing things in garbage bags left right and centre. It seems fitting that we should be going through this purging of our things because lately I've really been craving a purging in other areas as well. I've been feeling a draw to simpler living, essentially taking care of our bodies and our minds and getting rid of all the 'clutter' that gets in the way of getting us to the place that the Lord wants us to be.

 One of the areas that I'm realizing the importance of is physical health. I've been making an effort in the choice of foods that we eat but I have been majorly lacking in the exercise aspect. Ben has been saying for months now that after he gets home from work he would love to watch Elliotte while I go for a run. I've finally taken him up on it. I've only been running for a couple weeks now, but let me tell you, I LOVE IT. It feels so refreshing to get out in the crisp spring weather and I can't even express how amazing it is to have that half hour to myself to work with my body and do something hard, I'm hooked. 

Another area I've felt a draw to purge is our media consumption. After a long day a lot of the time Ben and I like to relax on the couch and watch something mindless on Netflix.  For a lot of my teenage years we didn't have a TV and I've always said that my kids won't watch any TV, so the fact that we watch it so much is starting to get me pretty disheartened. I'm sure if we don't make a change soon, then when Elliotte gets to the age where TV can distract her I will readily go to it as a babysitter. We haven't taken any steps in the media purging direction yet, soon I hope.

Anyways there are a few of my thoughts, I know they're quite scattered and possibly don't make much sense but I have to get back to packing so there you have it. I'm sure next time I check in we will be in our new home!   

Here is Elliotte camped out in what will be our new kitchen...

Granting yourself grace.

It's 7AM and I'm wide awake, this is rare, typically at this time you would find me groggily trying to get back to sleep, groggily feeding a baby, or on a good night actually asleep. Last night Ben and I went out with another couple to dinner and a movie and Ellie was at my parents place. I think she was away from me for longer than ever before, 4.5 hours. Anyways, we got home at around 10:30 put Elliotte promptly to bed and quickly followed suit ourselves and were asleep within minutes.

Fast forward....I woke up to surprisingly NOT a baby crying, I looked around for my cell to check the time assuming it was probably midnight. Imagine my surprise when my phone read 5:30! I had just been granted roughly 7 hours of sleep IN A ROW!!! I was in quite a lot of pain since I hadn't fed Ellie in so long so I was getting up to go pump when I heard a beautiful little stirring from the other room, perfect timing my girl! She ate like nobody's business and then conked out again. I didn't rush to put her down and spent the next few minutes stroking her cheek, tracing her ears with my finger, holding her close revelling in the beauty of my girl. It's an amazing feeling, feeding my baby when I'm not teetering on unconsciousness. Now I'm wide awake and feel more rested than ever, it's amazing what a few hours of uninterrupted sleep can do!

I tell you this story not to brag but to point out the need to grant ourselves grace. I have a tendency to feel guilty about most of what I do, or don't do. Only now, feeling rested do I know how much of a fog I have been living in. Ellie has been waking up on average 6-9 times a night, I didn't realize how hard that has been on me. It's rare that I get much more than laundry and cooking done in a day and I have been feeling horrible about it, like a failure as a mother and wife. Whether we have children or not, there are areas in our lives where we don't get enough rest, it may be physical sleep, or that we overwork ourselves, or even just our mental capability of making ourselves feel so incredibly small. Whatever it is, let us not beat ourselves up about the things we DON'T do 'right' and instead realize that we are human, we can't do everything. The important thing is to give ourselves some grace,  and pray that a good night's rest is right around the corner.

Now, how about some photos?!

This girl LOOOVES bathes, pardon the blurriness. 

Taken on her half birthday.

She is trying to crawl SOOO hard, I don't think it will be too too long before she figures it out.

This girl is SOOOO independent, every time you come at her with a spoon she tries with all of her might to snatch the spoon and do it herself, creating an epic mess...every time.

Pug and baby, BFFs.

Profound, I know.

So everything I have to say today is going to come out sounding like a cliché but even though you hear things over and over, when they pertain to you somehow it seems so profound, ya know? Tonight as Ellie was in her bath I was struck by how amazing life is (profound, I know). From the moment we are conceived we begin to change. The first while it's mostly development as far as size and growing organs etc, etc, then once we are born we begin to learn the 'ways of life' mighty quickly, we continue to grow in size but all of a sudden we are becoming smart.... For instance, for the past couple weeks Elliotte has been able to sit on her own in the bath and consequentially has discovered splashing. The incredible pride I feel when I watch her entire face light up as her brain makes the connection between the cause and effect of hitting the water with her hands is kind of ridiculous... I am blown away at the amazing learning curve of a 5 1/2 month old. Every day she seems to find something else in this world that she wants to learn and she does it. Lately I've been watching as she scooches backwards, or how she will stand FOREVER, giggling and squealing while she holds on to the coffee table, or how she likes to grab the dogs tail and stick it in her mouth... Her eyes are always so interested in the world around her and I love to watch as I see understanding hit her face. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can't believe how amazing it is that something can start out as an egg and a sperm and somehow becomes a person, a completely unique, beautiful, lovely person (profound, I know!).

Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel like the worst mother in the world. I feel like no matter how much research I do, I still make the wrong decision. I question everything I do, do I hold her enough, does she get enough tummy time, is she lying on her back to much, is she in her car seat for too many hours a day, am I changing her diaper often enough, am I too uptight, am I too laid back....blah...blah...blah. It's all a bunch of useless gibberish. I know in my head that all of this worrying is a waste of time and I know that no one is perfect, it's just that I feel like I'm working on the most important assignment that I will ever do and I really want to do well. How's that for vulnerability. 

Is She a good baby?

*WARNING RANT*

If I hear someone ask me one more time if Elliotte is a good baby I'm going to spit chips....I understand that people just want to know whether she's easy or not but it still rubs me the wrong way. Yes, Elliotte is a very good baby, she has been crying non-stop for the last 48 hours and doesn't nap for longer than 20 minutes at a time, but she is still a good baby. This thought that our babies are somehow better or worse depending on how much they sleep or how easy they are to deal with is ridiculous. My poor girl clearly is having some tummy issues and only has one way to communicate that. The next time you get painful gas I think I'll start calling you a bad person for being in pain... It breaks my heart every time she goes into one of her crying fits, not because she's bad, but because she's helpless. I have thanked God on more than one occasion that he gave me maternal instincts and unconditional love for her because hearing her sob is exhausting, having to constantly change what I'm doing in order to find the most comfortable position for her is draining. I can't say that I haven't cried, or that I haven't BEGGED her to just feel better but I'm not mad at her, I don't scold her or try to punish her for crying, I try to soothe her. Being a parent is difficult but even after only 6 weeks, I already know that it's the greatest thing I will ever do. For anyone who's asking, Elliotte is a very good baby.

The Good Report Take Two

So my idea to make a list weekly of what I'm grateful for never really panned out. I think it's time to climb back up on the horse and give it another try, don't you!?

The Good Report:

• I am ever so thankful for the sun, and summer weather.
• Fresh fruits and veggies that are in season, delish and reasonably priced. 
• A dog who is fully house trained! She has been perfect at home for six months but still had the odd incident when we took her to my parents.
• Each and every meal of the day, oh I how I look forward to eating these days! 
• Ben has started his new job and he's busy and loving it.
• I have Thursdays and Fridays off work, need I say more.
• The little kicks and punches from our baby, they are so gentle, I wonder what this little one will be like on the outside.
• I think nesting is kicking in, something I've been eagerly anticipating!
• SUMMER IS HERE!!!! 

Well that's it for this week, who knows when the inclination to remember the good in life will hit me again. Hopefully sooner rather than later. There is SOOO much to be thankful for! 

Please excuse me while I vent.

*WARNING*

If you don't want to hear someone blow minor inconveniences out of proportion than read no further. I apologize in advance for the pettiness of my griping.

Perhaps it's hormones, or just my childish nature coming out but boy do i feel hard done by today... I really have no reason to complain, my job graciously changed my hours so I now have Fridays off. You'd think this was awesome? Today, not so much. I had no errands to run and I didnt try to come up with some since it was mucky and rainy outside. I puttered around at home, doing a load of laundry, folding another couple loads, but nothing truly productive, if I'm truly honest I didn't actually get out of my housecoat till after 12....To make my 'horrible' day worse, my dear husband is STILL working and it's after 11:30PM that's over a 14 hour day! (poor guy) I made supper more than 4 hours ago and it's just sitting on the stove getting cold and nasty. My dog got a hold of pin cushion and when I found her she was lying on the ground picking out pins from the darn cushion with her evil little paws and tossing them willy-nilly all over the room. Needless to say, she's currently in her kennel on a time-out. Today was just one of those days...In the grand scheme of things I need to remember to be thankful for what I have. Thankful for my day off, for a husband who works so hard for us. Today I'm humbled, when I read over what I wrote I see that I let my emotions get the best of me. Hopefully I will learn from this and not let the little things get to me, this is my goal. 

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Here is a picture that even on the cloudiest day brings a smile to my face. I love my family!

The See-Saw Effect!

So today's post is selfish and petty but I should be posting what's on my mind, petty or not. Right? Ben and I have been frequenting the gym for roughly 4 months now. It's been good. I know I've gotten stronger and the scale has slowly been creeping it's way down, but right now all I can focus on is how slowly changes are taking place. Sure I'll lose a pound one week, then low and behold the next week I'm up 2. I'm so tempted to just grab the scale and throw it off the balcony....The truth is it's not the scale I should be blaming, it's me... I will be soooo good for a week, eating breakfast, drinking water, giving it my all at the gym and taking my vitamins, then I'll have one bad day and all of a sudden my good habits go straight out the window and I'm back to doing everything half-assed. I'm getting quite sick of my see-saw ways... How do I stick to something? How do I stay motivated? These are the questions eating my brain...Sorry for being a butt today, I'm not quite as down on myself as I sound, I really do have hope! Today after my workout I was already looking forward to tomorrow's, and my friend Allison has joined too so now I have someone to work out with! I'll let you know how it all turns out, I feel a change coming on!!!

Mood Swing Friday

If I had a doc following me around today I'm pretty sure there would have been two conclusions made;

1. how creepy that would be and

2. that I am bipolar.

Let me explain.....

This morning I woke up with a smile on my face...well that's not quite true but by the time I'd had my cup of coffee I was about as close to smiling as one can be while doing ones make-up. I even annoyed the receptionist at work by saying 'good morning' in too cheerful of a way... My point is that I was in a really good mood. Anyways, this jolly attitude continued through my first 2 massages, however after my second massage I was informed that my next client had cancelled...last minute...boo! In about 3 seconds I went from very very happy to not quite as happy. I sat around during the next while, my mood slightly dampened, I wasn't too disappointed though, I sat and read my book. As the time approached for my next client I eagerly waited for his arrival, he's a regular and it's always an enjoyable time. However, the time for his treatment came and went with no sign of him. My mood once again took a tumble... To make a long story short...er This same thing happened with one more of my clients today. So out of my 7 clients booked I only ended up with 4. For all the readers out there please please please take note, it's really important to make it to your appointments and if you can't, call and cancel as soon as you know!

Anyways, now that I'm home and have had some time to chill I realize that if I let my mood be determined by others I'm never going to have a day without mood swings. My goal is to let that morning smile last all day and I encourage the rest of you to try that as well, life is good!

That is all!

Winter blues

I don't particularly like winter, but living in practically the coldest place on earth I have learned to deal with it. I can handle the cold, the dark, the mud, the ice, the driving, and pretty much everything else. My biggest frustration with winter is how dry my skin is. I have cracked knuckles, flaking elbows, and itchy knees.

The most embarrassing thing is that ALL of these are moisturizers, maybe I should start using them...

Passport Update

Good news! It pays to be a procrastinator! Well not really, but I finally got my application for my passport in yesterday, and it only cost me an additional $30 to have it rushed so that I can go pick it up on the 17th, the day before we leave...The moral of the story is this, renew your passport when it expires so that you can save yourself $30, the stress of worrying about getting it in time, and the inconvenience of having to go pick it up yourself! Although I'm sure in roughly 5 years I'll be posting something all too similar... I wish it was easier to change...

True Words!

Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile... initially scared me to death.

~Betty Bender~